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2011 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • My Christmas Gifts For Celebrities

    published Dec 19, 2011

    Here comes Santa Musto trying to squeeze his ass down various celebrities' chimneys to give them a steaming pile of the following appropriate presents for their futures: *A DVD of Schindler's List ... More >>

  • A Musto Christmas Memory

    published Dec 19, 2011

    I'll never forget it, people. I woke up to a stack of gifts, all beautifully wrapped, my heart racing with glee as I ripped open each one. There were gorgeous, silky, patterned gowns! Shimmery dro... More >>

  • Downton Abbey Star: My Kids Think I'm Stupid!

    published Dec 16, 2011

    January 8 marks the Season 2 premiere of Downton Abbey, the Masterpiece series on PBS, which has earned kudos for its wondrous mix of period dramatics and comedy-of-manners satire. Trust me, it's ev... More >>

  • Holly Woodlawn And I In "Nude Faces Of '85!"

    published Dec 16, 2011

    The year was 1985. The place was the ultra-happening, multilevel East 20s dance club Danceteria. The creator was Scott Wittman (who went on to be a co-author of some little things like Hairspray ... More >>

  • Humiliating Moment #5,126

    published Dec 16, 2011

    I was recently seated at the theater, about to see a show, when down the aisle came another patron, who stopped to greet me. "Thank you for liking my play," he said, graciously.Oh! Um. Well. Er. Um.... More >>

  • The Best Horses In Screen/TV History

    published Dec 16, 2011

    Steven Spielberg's War Horse (above) is about to trot into theaters, and lordy is that a beautiful creature! I like the horse, too. Anyway, here are some of my other favorite equine stars from Holl... More >>

  • Film Classics I Don't Want To See In 3D

    published Dec 16, 2011

    Disney has learned that if you bring back a classic cartoon in 3-D, you make many more dimensions of moola. But I pray the same trend doesn't hit some other types of screen gems because in my lifeti... More >>

  • The Cutest Guy On TV Right Now!

    published Dec 15, 2011

    No, that's not him in the above illustration -- though it might be his insides. I'm talking about the guy on the commercial for Crohn's disease, the awful condition that has to do with "damaging infl... More >>

  • An Oscar For a Mute Performance? Can Happen

    published Dec 15, 2011

    A lot of oddsmakers are talking up Jean Dujardin for his silent turn in the mostly speechless The Artist. And Max Von Sydow is getting a supporting push for playing a traumatized man who communicate... More >>

  • Audience Interaction Sucks!

    published Dec 15, 2011

    With rare exceptions, I've always felt that forced audience interaction is a lazy device designed to get paying customers more involved in the show. I came to see the show. I want to be entertained... More >>

  • The Night I Met Diana Ross

    published Dec 15, 2011

    It was a 1980s record-release party for the glittery superstar on the Intrepid (which they generously allowed me on, despite "don't ask, don't tell.") I was terrified to meet Miss Ross because she w... More >>

  • Who Got Screwed Out Of A Golden Globe Nomination?

    published Dec 15, 2011

    A whole LOT of people. And they're pissed, baby. I mean they should be pissed, though they're no doubt carrying on with great dignity and occasional bouts of inner screaming.The Tree of Life got sn... More >>

  • The Saddest Celebrity Deaths of 2011
    FEATURED STORY

    The Saddest Celebrity Deaths of 2011

    published Dec 15, 2011

    Who will you miss the most? *Elizabeth Taylor. A legend, a goddess, an activist. *Steve Jobs. Ditto, except for the goddess bit.*Andy Rooney. I bet wherever he is, he's having the last word. *Pete... More >>

  • Triplets Separated At Birth?

    published Dec 14, 2011

    Three currently hot actresses happen to share a similar unconventionally attractive look and comic chops from the heavens. Zoe Kazan, 28, is an eccentric, doll-faced creature who has done theater (T... More >>

  • Christmas Songs With Dirty Lyrics!

    published Dec 14, 2011

    The Kinsey Sicks is the San Francisco-based drag troupe that specializes in spoofy tunes that add twisty, sometimes unclean thoughts to your most beloved traditional works of music. In this lively... More >>

  • The Best Korean Food Court In Town
    FEATURED STORY

    The Best Korean Food Court In Town

    published Dec 14, 2011

    I've been keeping this place a personal secret for way too long, and it's starting to make me feel selfish. Even more selfish than usual. So let me urge you to try Food Gallery 32 (11 West 32nd Str... More >>

  • Gossip About The New Cinderella

    published Dec 14, 2011

    As you may have heard, Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella will get an April workshop with the intent of an eventual Broadway mounting, if all goes bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. I ran into playwright Dougla... More >>

  • The Biggest Sexual Message Of The Year

    published Dec 14, 2011

    And this one came thanks to deposed coach Jerry Sandusky: Don't shower with kids! Don't "horse around"!Don't hug them! Don't touch their legs "with no intent of sexual contact"! Don't touch their... More >>

  • Have I Got A Hot Date For You! (Photos Inside)

    published Dec 14, 2011

    Your sizzling date with this dream man will start with some mutual touching in the model-train room. Isn't that what you've always fantasized about? No? That's followed by some hot action where you ... More >>

  • Revisals Have Taken Over Broadway!
    FEATURED STORY

    "Revisals" Have Taken Over Broadway!

    published Dec 13, 2011

    This year the message has been sent out along the Rialto: Don't bring back a show as is! Fix it, tweak it, and make it brand spanking new to keep it relevant. Make it better!After all, Godspell ca... More >>

  • The Worst Reviewed Movie Of The Year?

    published Dec 13, 2011

    Don't even say, "Jack and Jill," because the Adam Sandler drag vehicle happened to have gotten 4 percent good reviews, according to Rotten Tomatoes. And it's not Taylor Lautner's's solo outing Abduc... More >>

  • NFL Player Caught Propagating The Use Of "Gay" To Mean "Stupid"

    published Dec 13, 2011

    And it's flippant, biased, and downright sad. I'm glad someone has called him on his shit, tweeting him back when the grid star re-tweeted the G-word in a pejorative light.In truth, there are so man... More >>

  • World Penis Sizes According To Country!

    published Dec 13, 2011

    Based on this incredibly informative chart, I am currently booking one-way flights to everything in dark green! And I'm not even a bottom!As for Europe in particular, France seems to be an incredibl... More >>

  • Favorite Plus-Sized Female Singer Of All Time?

    published Dec 13, 2011

    Some of these ladies aren't still plus-sized -- and a bunch of them aren't even alive -- but whatever the case, they have all been through plump periods of the soul. And their apparent lack of vomitin... More >>

  • Disney World Sucks, Actually

    published Dec 13, 2011

    Some years ago, I got to finally live my lifelong dream of going to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. I was horrified. I knew the place was going to be blandly generic, but it didn't know it w... More >>

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