Email Author Nick Schager

2011 Stories by Nick Schager

• Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

  published December 14, 2011

  Alvin learns to grow up in Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, but maturity remains an alien concept to this CG song-and-dance... More >>

• Knuckle

  published December 7, 2011

  Making UFC brawlers seem decidedly dainty by comparison, Ireland's Quinn McDonagh clan has for decades engaged in bare-knuckle brawls with... More >>

• My Piece of the Pie

  published December 7, 2011

  Chauvinistic capitalist scum must suffer in My Piece of the Pie, a feeble stab at topicality from that master of overripe Gallic... More >>

• Red Hook Black

  published December 7, 2011

  Reprinting its entire script would be the only way to properly convey the unintentionally hilarious awfulness of Red Hook Black, which... More >>

• Buried Prayers

  published November 16, 2011

  No matter how often recounted in documentaries, first-person testimonials about concentration camp experiences still shock, though Buried... More >>

• A Novel Romance

  published November 9, 2011

  A Novel Romance is pro-smoking, but that’s about the only unconventional aspect of this contrived NYC-indie romance. Puffing away... More >>

• Jack and Jill

  published November 9, 2011

  Al Pacino romantically pursuing a cross-dressing Adam Sandler around a medieval castle should be stunningly surreal, so it’s a... More >>

• The Reunion

  published October 19, 2011

  Whereas prior WWE-produced movies like Legendary and Knucklehead targeted specific genre audiences, The Reunion abhors... More >>

• The Catechism Cataclysm

  published October 19, 2011

  Taking the notion of toilet humor literally but incapable of delivering its promised religious satire, The Catechism Cataclysm is more... More >>

• Back in the Heartland, Writer Confronts His Past and Present in Fireflies in the Garden

  published October 12, 2011

  Familial dysfunction takes glib, syrupy form in Fireflies in the Garden, a flashbacky saga of past discord and present-day reconciliation... More >>

• All Downhill: Teen Romance on the Slopes in Chalet Girl

  published October 12, 2011

  Hot Dog… The Movie and its disreputable ski-comedy ilk might have been a low point in cinema history, but at least their unbridled... More >>

• Linked Up: Making an Argument for Interdependence in Connected

  published October 12, 2011

  Connected opens with director Tiffany Shlain confessing to cell phone addiction, a focus on herself that's indicative of this documentary,... More >>

• The Big Year

  published October 12, 2011

  In the spirit of its bird-watching subject, The Big Year populates countless scenes with notable faces—Dianne Wiest! Brian Dennehy!... More >>

• Martin Sheen, Traveling in his Son's Footsteps in The Way

  published October 5, 2011

  The Way might lack the Chicken Soup for the Soul imprimatur, but writer/director Emilio Estevez’s travelogue tale of fathers... More >>

• After the Death Penalty, Still Fighting for Justice in Incendiary: The Willingham Case

  published October 5, 2011

  Conservative Texas governor and presidential hopeful Rick Perry comes across as the poster child for unjust death-penalty fanaticism in... More >>

• Dream House

  published September 28, 2011

  Even more than with his 50 Cent-headlined gangsta-drama Get Rich or Die Tryin', Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, In America)... More >>

• Courageous: Subtle As A Chastity Ring

  published September 28, 2011

  A belligerent and hokey sermon on faith and family, Courageous preaches ad nauseum about the intertwined values of cherishing God and... More >>

• Keep Out of the Water: Race and the Black Surfer in White Wash

  published September 21, 2011

  “Black people don’t surf” is a stereotype both investigated and refuted by White Wash, which examines the historical... More >>

• In Search of God: L.A. Party Girl Travels to India, Asks Life's Big Questions

  published September 21, 2011

  Purportedly about a quest for spiritual enlightenment and the question of what binds global religions, In Search of God is instead defined... More >>

• There's No App for That: Life at the Record Store in Sound It Out

  published September 14, 2011

  A nonfiction love letter to independent businesses, unruly rock riffs, and the scratchy pleasures of rare LPs, Sound It Out celebrates... More >>

• Pill-popping Cutters Will be Girls in Private School Coming of Ager Tanner Hall

  published September 7, 2011

  Rooney Mara plays a boarding-school girl with a bitchy nemesis in Tanner Hall, Francesca Gregorini and Tatiana von Fürstenberg's... More >>

• Bodyguard

  published August 31, 2011

  Imperviousness to crotch shots—his nether-regions actually deflate projectile soccer balls!—is merely one of the superhuman skills... More >>

• Apollo 18

  published August 31, 2011

  The Moon is made not of green cheese but sentient space rocks in Apollo 18, which purports to be an edited assembly of "real" declassified... More >>

• Fighting for Wins Inside the Ring and Out in Born and Bred

  published August 17, 2011

  By valuing the complexity of individuals’ stories over superficial competition drama, Born and Bred bucks the unwelcome nonfiction... More >>

• Spy Kids: All the Time in the World

  published August 17, 2011

  Having already struck the 3D barrel’s bottom with its last, third installment, Spy Kids: All the Time in the World goes the extra step... More >>