Best After-Work Spot To Mock Overweight Tourists (2008)


On Thursday nights throughout the summer, my co-workers and I flee to SEQUOIA at the South Street Seaport to sip cheap frozen daiquiris and the intoxicating fumes of the East River. But the true entertainment comes from observing our fellow Americans from the provinces as they board the Beast, New York's largest and loudest speedboat. Go ahead: Laugh at a startlingly overweight marching band from Ashtabula, Ohio, as they stumble aboard, grooving to the pounding sounds of Whitesnake and preparing for the thrill ride of their lives. Scowl at the portly families regaled from head to toe in American flag prints, still reeling as they disembark. Sure, you'll feel guilty later, but it will also remind you why you moved to New York in the first place.


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