Best Potential Cult Merger (2008)


They're bright, they're loud, and once you join them you'll never want to leave: CRUNCH AND THE HARE KRISHNAS need to merge agendas, ASAP! In their pamphlet, Crunch is described as "a movement which is growing as we continue to perfect our ability to create an environment where our members don't feel self conscious, and don't worry about what others think." Judging from their parades through the downtown area, it is safe to say the Hare Krishnas would concur. Both cults are also concerned about dietary habits! Imagine a more aggressive, joint recruitment program. Imagine new, super-cool classes (like heavy book-lifting . . . and mind-numbing)! The pecs . . . the purity . . . oh, Hare Crunchna . . .


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