We've gotten used to the government using public policy to stomp out personal freedoms. But when Mayor Bloomberg decided to declare war on smokers and used the power vested in him and his money clip to force buttheads to quit, shit got outta hand real quick. Not being able to smoke in restaurants and the workplace is one thing—after all, smoking is hazardous to your health (no smoking in bars; that's just downright disrespectful). But our self-righteous mayor went too freaky far when he raised the cigarette tax by an oppressive $2.85 a pack, forcing said buttheads to choose between their wallets and their addiction. But New Yorkers don't play that, and thanks to the city's infamous black market, smokers don't have to take this oppressive shit. Whenever the government tries to control grown folk's business, the streets react by providing a way for the masses to say fuck off. Media reports indicate that more and more smokers are buying cigarettes from the agents of the underground stogie railroad—for a respectable $5 a pack, five for $20 if you find the right hookup. For obvious reasons, I won't divulge specific locations (no way I endanger my supply), but nicotine fiends won't have a problem sniffing out the dealers: If you live in an area that isn't completely gentrified just keep your ears open, you're sure to hear someone whisper "Neeew-ports" as you walk out of the train station. Sorry, Bloomberg, but we the people are smoking, and eating too.