Sports & Recreation

  • Best place to grope a stranger

    Cuddle Party

    Whether you're single or coupled up, I'm sure you could use a hug, a back rub, or just someone with a shoulder to cry on. Enter Cuddle Party, founded by sex educators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski. These snuggle-fests take place everywhere from apartments to office spaces and feature an introduction about the group's philosophy and how to say yes… More >>
  • Best place to take your straight friends to buy sex toys

    Leather Man

    If you're the guy in your circle of friends who's been around the block a few times or is known to have taken a less than straightforward path, then chances are you're also the one who gets asked to share your arcane knowledge about esoteric sexual practices. So when someone you care for decides to take a walk on the… More >>
  • Best place to strip for free and still pay $16 a drink

    Penthouse Executive Club

    A few years back, the Penthouse Executive Club introduced striptease classes as a fresh idea for bachelorette parties. Granted, learning how to strip for your dude sounds more like a gift for him than for you, but compared with other appealing bachelorette party options—doing the buck-wild grind with Gotti boy rejects at Culture Club or shelling out for a… More >>
  • Best sex worker support system

    $pread Magazine

    Hookers, phone sex babes, strippers, and nude models often enter the adult industry without knowing what to expect, looking for a quick buck or a chance to explore their sexuality. The learning curve, I would imagine, is quite steep, and in addition to the cultural stigma, it's hard to know whom to turn to for guidance. One-year-old $pread Magazine tackles… More >>
  • Best place to see a hipster sweat over buying a porn video

    Kim's Video

    You're in the porno section of your local video store when suddenly the worst possible thing that you can imagine happens: A total stranger who you'll probably never see again enters your space and looks at you like you're some sort of pervert. We've seen this happen over and over again at Kim's Video: hipsters freaking out at the mere… More >>
  • Best hot-body contest for gays, straights, lesbians, bi girls, and indie-rock boys

    Rated X: The Panty Party

    They tried to kill Rated X: The Panty Party three times, but they couldn't. The party has survived three different club moves, two closures, and the ire of neighbors and the police. But every Saturday night at Luke & Leroy, the latest club to host the infamous event, Peppermint Gummybear leads the lewd and the lovely into doffing all their… More >>
  • Best local-hunk porn site

    nycguys.com

    A common complaint about porn is that, while there's an abundance of naked women's breasts pretty much everywhere you look, hot, straight nude guys are rarely to be seen. If you like to ogle hunky guys with hard cocks and sexy smiles, click on nycguys.com and check out everyday men who are willing to bare all. The vibe of… More >>
  • Best party to get over silly gender issues at

    Filthy party

    So you're a sophisticated New York fag and you've seen it all, and will admit to having done at least half of it. One Friday night you find yourself at some cool bar like Nowhere on 14th Street, or Metropolitan in Williamsburg for Dario Speedwagon's Filthy party, lusting after a butch little bear whose cultivated swagger and redneck-inflected affect are… More >>
  • Best place to ogle half-naked go-go boys and gay porn

    Boysroom

    Misstress Formika brings back some of the sleaze of the old East Village underworld with a touch of class at the Boysroom. There are go-go boys galore dancing on the bar and the stage; they are all so very pretty, with cut abs and taut muscles, riding the steel poles like well-trained cowboys. In the background, vintage '70s porn plays… More >>
  • Best place to postpone the sexual inevitable

    Staten Island Ferry

    You're out on the town with someone you know you'll end up in bed with. It's late and you've been talking for hours, savoring that easy burgeoning intimacy that's as much foreplay as it is conversation. You're not ready to hit the sheets—at least not yet—but you don't want to hang out in another dreary bar. Take your honey by… More >>
  • Best combination of sex and sports

    Playboy machine

    For $2,149, plus $260 in shipping, you can buy your own vintage Playboy pinball machine on eBay. Or at three plays to the pair of quarters, you can skip the commitment for a fling with the bunnies at Robin des Bois, on Cobble Hill's restaurant row. Granted, the Playboy machine at the Francophile joint has seen so much balling… More >>
  • Best (Expensive) means to carry around a condom

    Kiki de Montparnasse's

    Just when you think you have seen it all, something innovative and totally superfluous manages to catch you by surprise, lodging its design in your consumer imagination. Or at least that is what happened to me when I discovered Kiki de Montparnasse's leather condom holders. Offered in a variety of hides and colors (think burgundy and white python, classic black… More >>
  • Best sex and candy

    Economy Candy and Babeland

    The beauty of our city is the way you encounter entire worlds from block to block. So I want to celebrate the city's mighty diversity, and lest we forget, perversity. On a recent Lower East Side outing, it gave me the greatest pleasure to note the short walking distance from Economy Candy to Babeland. I smell sex and candy here:… More >>
  • Best place to see Britney Spears grind a pole

    Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

    Though "Best Place to Fondle Britney Spears's Breasts" would be just as accurate. At Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, Spears is bending backward, writhing on a pole in a tight-fitting silver-and-gold bodysuit. But what really gets the attention of visitors is her ample bosom, which mechanically heaves up and down as though she were breathing. "Britney Spears!" exclaimed a teenage boy… More >>
  • Best place to see hipsters play with their balls

    Union Hall

    Brooklyn real estate isn't yet at quite the premium of Manhattan's, but it's still a shock to enter a local boîte and see space that might otherwise house more tables, chairs, and other booze-consuming fixtures instead devoted to a pair of lavish indoor boccie courts. Union Hall's stone-dust strips aren't the 91 feet of a regulation boccie court, but they… More >>
  • Best light-saber dueling league

    New York Jedi

    Have a burning need to battle the Dark Side? Call New York Jedi, this city's premier (and probably only) light-saber enthusiasts' collective. These guys are not your garden- variety Star Wars fans; they're consummate professionals who specialize in staging intricately choreographed fight scenes that would make Yoda turn greener with envy. The group hosts sparring gatherings at Central Park, makes… More >>
  • Best bowling alley– door to enlightenment

    Melody Lanes

    Born and raised in Brooklyn, Pete Napolitano has played drums in a jazz band and managed talent, among other things. But for the last 15 or 16 years the 55-year-old has tended the bar at Melody Lanes—as a sociological experiment. Over the years he's created a unique personal philosophy, which he insists is simple. Sporting his trademark tuxedo shirt, red… More >>
  • Best place to get schooled in Ping-Pong on Friday nights

    Brownstone Billiards

    Posted all around, cartoon signs explaining house etiquette recommend that patrons vow, "I will control my temper and language when things do not go right." But you may have a hard time keeping your cool when you find yourself soundly spanked by the table tennis experts who haunt the turquoise-walled expanse of Park Slope's Brownstone Billiards. You are not advised… More >>
  • Best nonprofit skateboarding organization

    Stoked Mentoring

    Stoked Mentoring targets at-risk teens between the ages of 13 to 18 and helps them to succeed by teaching them how to skateboard. The group, which has offices in New York City and Los Angeles, oversees and presents several programs every year, including snowboard, skateboard, and surf mentoring. The extreme-sports concept may sound bonkers, but it works; the kids pay… More >>
  • Best freebie tennis courts

    John J. Carty Park

    As New York City has an awesome reputation for civic corruption and mismanagement, perhaps it's only appropriate that a park named for a famed city employee best known for defending questionable funding decisions in the '60s, is so indifferently maintained. But the John J. Carty Park, opened in 1970, boasts 10 tennis courts, as well as picnic tables, sprinklers, a… More >>
  • Most exciting three seconds in New York sports

    Children's slide

    In this new and almost hidden Battery Park City oasis waits an attraction inaptly labeled a children's slide. This skinny, shiny chute is an absolute rush—hung from a manufactured cliff and pointing damned near straight down. Plunge into the sandbox below if you dare, then make a dash for the urban waterfall. People under the age of five might choose… More >>
  • Best place to stroke your stuff

    Sunset Park Pool

    New York has plenty of places for you to strut your stuff, but stroking your stuff, as in doing the freestyle stroke, backstroke, or butterfly stroke in an Olympic-sized swimming pool? Well, not so many. Luckily, you can do so to your heart's content at public pools in Brooklyn. At the Sunset Park Pool you can find relief from the… More >>
  • Best martial arts school

    Muzosa Bujinkan Dojo

    Imagine having the rare opportunity to train with the last living ninja, Grandmaster Dr. Masaaki Hatsumi. Instructors Jeff Christian and Rob Flanagan of Muzosa Bujinkan Dojo take students to Noda, Japan, each year, where they have the chance to learn advanced budo taijutsu (ninjitsu) techniques from the grandmaster himself. Students are also encouraged to experience the annual event "Campaign" (designed… More >>
  • Best martial arts dance classes

    Omulu Guanabara Capoeira

    If you've ever been in a dilemma about whether to take a defense course or dance instruction, you don't have to decide anymore if you've signed up at Omulu Guanabara Capoeira. Group leader Nadine Mundo learned the craft at the capoeira school's original San Fran outpost (which started in the mid '80s). Since moving to New York four years… More >>
  • Best outdoor personal trainer at McCarren Park

    Kwesi "Kiki" Ananyi

    He's motivational and inspirational and has been offering his "Traditional Tribal Fitness" classes at the McCarren Park track for the past four years. Kwesi "Kiki" Ananyi, a certified personal trainer and former art book vendor at Astor Place, is becoming a local phenomenon as loyal followers congregate from the boroughs and tristate area to lose weight and strengthen the body.… More >>
  • Sexiest fitness guru whose class is affordable, kickass, and not yet overcrowded

    Tanya Fly

    The first thing you need to know about Tanya Fly, fly as she is, is that she came by the name honestly. The second is that she is here to pump you up, shape you, stretch you out, and leave you breathless on the floor in a puddle. Twenty reps become 40, and 40 deserve another five. Fly, the… More >>
  • Best New York–bred coach not coaching in New York

    Larry Brown

    Only a year ago, New York's own Larry Brown was hailed as the savior of the city's hallowed pro-basketball franchise, the Knickerbockers. Then he got in Dutch with the Dolans, the cable barons who are currently messing up various New York sports franchises. The Knicks' general manager, Isiah Thomas, put the ol' crossover move on his fellow point guard. In… More >>
  • Best ongoing gauge for how terrible the Knicks are doing this year

    Googling "Fire Isiah Thomas"

    The 2006 New York Knicks are going to suck. The pundit-sportscaster-blogger-commentator nexus seems fairly unified on this point. But as the poor bastards who've been stuck rooting for this team for the last half-decade can attest, sucking doesn't cut it; there are nuanced degrees of sucktitude, and the win-loss column alone can't always articulate them. So as a leading indicator… More >>
  • Best dyslexic draft pick

    NBA draft

    Call 'em the New York Knickknacks—a perfect moniker for such a haphazard collection of bobbles. But as we head into what could be one of the most mediocre basketball seasons in Madison Square Garden history, don't rag on owner Jim Dolan and General Manager Isiah Thomas for assembling such a baffling assortment of objets d'hardwood. Maybe they need medical help.… More >>
  • Best young basketball player

    Tina Charles

    Wouldn't you know it? The best young hoopster in New York City is fleeing town this fall. After helping her squad capture the state title earlier this year, Tina Charles, the slim and smart 6-3 forward from Christ the King High School, inked with UConn, the powerhouse of women's college basketball. Christ the King was not only the queen of… More >>
  • Best sports announcer

    John Sterling

    The guilty pleasure is a way of life for fans of that capitalist tool the New York Yankees. Veteran play-by-play man John Sterling embodies the paradox of loving the super-rich franchise that made Johnny Damon cut his hair. Long a shill for George Steinbrenner's evil plot to build a stadium near Penn Station at city expense, he still sounds all… More >>
  • Best public hairpiece on a sports announcer

    Marv Albert

    We're past the point of wondering how many polyesters had to die so that some poor worker in another country could make a hairpiece for Marv Albert. Nearly a decade after his sports-casting career was torpedoed by his penchant not only for panties and garter belts but for criminally rough sex, the man is back to doing what he does… More >>
  • Best player Met fans love best to hate

    Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez

    This year with the Mets riding high and the hated Braves finally struggling, the robotic, always-trying-to-say-the-right-thing, boring as hell Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez has seemingly supplanted Atlanta's Chipper "Laaaaaaarrryyyy!" Jones as the most reviled opposing player among Met fandom. How can you not hate a guy who's a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame, has pretty-boy good looks and the body… More >>
  • Best player Yankee fans love best to hate

    A-Rod

    A-Rod. Alas, though he may one day be the all-time home run king, Rodriguez will never be Jeter. Besides, Yankee fans are starting to understand what Boston supporters figured out shortly after trading the Babe—it feels so good to boo sometimes.… More >>
  • Best put-down of a New York pro athlete

    Lo Duca's sexual prowess

    Replacing fan favorite Mike Piazza as the Met catcher, Paul Lo Duca has had a solid year. On the field, Lo Duca made the All-Star team. What a stud. Off the field, however, the 34-year-old ex-Dodger has earned little more than dishonorable mention. Especially when he has played the field. Stepping out on his wife, Lo Duca latched on to… More >>
  • Best way to indulge childlike nostalgia while cheering on David Wright

    Eating an ice cream sundae out of an overturned toy baseball helmet at Shea Stadium

    With apologies to apple pie, pickup trucks, and Lee Greenwood, ain't nothin' more American than eating an ice cream sundae out of an overturned toy baseball helmet at Shea Stadium. It is incontrovertible scientific fact. You can dine on the dessert long coveted by baseball-obsessed young'uns nationwide for a mere $4.75 while the Mets lay waste to the hapless Pirates… More >>
  • Best former Brooklyn ballpark

    J.J. Byrne Memorial Park

    When the Brooklyn Base Ball Club—they wouldn't be dubbed "Trolley Dodgers" for another decade—was founded in 1883, its owners erected the 1,200-seat Washington Park in the then new streetcar suburb of Park Slope. A pre–Revolutionary War stone building on the site was pressed into service as a restroom for female cranks, as fans were then known. The team would soon… More >>
  • Best ballpark to cheer for your minor-league team in

    Brooklyn Cyclones

    If you said that the Cyclone is still the best ride at Coney Island, you wouldn't be far off, because watching the Brooklyn Cyclones play ball at Coney Island's KeySpan Park is a real roller coaster of thrills. Seeing the New York Mets' class-A-affiliate team in action is part of an evening spent enjoying beer and hot dogs. Just like… More >>
  • Best indoors sports venue

    Schwartz Athletic Center

    The year after the famed Brooklyn Paramount theater, whose stage had been trodden by the likes of Mae West and Eddie Cantor, shuttered its doors after 34 years, in 1962, the building was reborn as Long Island University's Schwartz Athletic Center, with the ornate proscenium and ceiling still intact and implausibly suspended above the basketball court. The Paramount's 1920s Wurlitzer… More >>
  • Best Disneyfication of Times Square

    ESPN Zone

    It's a done deal, the sprucing-up of the formerly seedy center of the city. But not all of the blandishments at Times Square are so bland. One of the good things can be laid directly at the feet of the Walt Disney Company, the conglomerate that also owns ESPN. Once a week, some of the nation's mouthiest sportswriters gather at… More >>
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