There can be no doubt that Bush's VP is an evil dude, so we've developed our own version of extraordinary rendition for him. First, we'll lure him into a black limo somewhere in midtown with naked pix of the prez and first lady, then whisk him to Flushing, Queens. There we'll force-feed him a meal at Little Pepper (a/k/a Xiao La Jiao), where he'll scream as we waterboard him with soft bean curd in spicy sauce, dan-dan noodles, and—the pièce de résistance—dried rabbit: a tandoori-red bunny with a dry dipping condiment that's pure Sichuan peppercorns. He'll howl in pain!