Food & Drink

  • Will Shakespeare's Last Meal

    Tea and Sympathy

    There's no doubt the Bard would find the quaint premises of Tea and Sympathy utterly familiar, with its ranked Toby jugs and pictures of the royals (though he'd wonder how Elizabeth could still be queen), and he'd find the food comforting, too: a Welsh rarebit heavy on the cheese, say, followed by a plate of bangers and mash. But these… More >>
  • Amy Winehouse's Last meal

    Silver Spoon

    With her boozy delivery and reputation for being skronked during concerts and recording sessions, we're putting this songstress on the wagon for her last meal. We'll send her to the strictly Halal Pakistani restaurant Silver Spoon in Bath Beach, where booze is not allowed, and where the marvelous garlic naans come with garlic not just on top, but also between… More >>
  • Vladimir Putin's Last Meal

    Café Glechik

    Maybe you thought Putin would demand a dish of poutine, the French-Canadian morass of french fries, curds, and gravy; but no, he'll be camped out at Café Glechik sampling the peasant fare his mother served him in his hometown of Leningrad. His final meal would begin with a steaming bowl of kulesh (a dilled barley soup), then continue with the… More >>
  • Mata Hari's Last Meal

    Petite Abeille

    Margaretha Geertruida Zelle (her real name) would look in vain to find an actual Dutch restaurant in New York ever since NL on Sullivan Street closed down, but she'd find food to love at the Belgian chain Petite Abeille. The exotic dancer and spy would order stoempf, an herby swamp of root vegetables, potatoes, and meat, then demand a plate… More >>
  • Yul Brynner's Last Meal

    Chao Thai

    In his movie career, the Russian-born Brynner played an Egyptian pharaoh, a Hebrew judge, and a Mexican rebel. But since he graced Broadway with 4,626 performances as the Siamese King Mongkut, let's get Yul a painfully hot Thai meal to punish him for impersonating somebody of another race. At Elmhurst's Chao Thai, he'll sup on a bar snack of sour… More >>
  • Betsy Ross's Last Meal

    99 Miles to Philly

    Born Elizabeth Griscom in Philadelphia of Quaker parents, this upholsterer and seamstress met George Washington when she sewed a button on his pants—probably with him still in them. Subsequently, he and a couple of his pals asked her to stitch the national flag, for which she used hemp (heh, heh!). Though she eloped to Jersey, her heart belonged in… More >>
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger's Last Meal

    El Anzuelo Fino

    The muscle-bound Governator spent his early career body-building, culminating in a Mr. Universe title that was his ticket to America. Accordingly, we think he needs mussels for his final meal. He'll find them plentifully represented in the ceviche mixto at El Anzuelo Fino ("the delicate fishhook"), a Peruvian restaurant specializing in seafood. The mussels are joined in the cold soup… More >>
  • Methuselah's Last Meal

    Shake Shack

    This Old Testament figure is famous for living to the age of 969 (which sounds like code for some sort of weird group sex). This makes him the perfect person to enjoy the wonderful burger at Shake Shack, composed of brisket and rib meat, because he won't mind waiting in line almost forever. When he gets to the order window,… More >>
  • Foxy Brown's Last Meal

    Brasserie Ruhlmann

    We don't want to detain the rapper too long, since she might be on her way to make an appearance for the three-year probation she got for throwing hair glue at a nail-salon employee in Florida. Now that she has transferred her musical allegiance to Jay-Z's Roc-A-Fella records, we think it only appropriate that we wine and dine her at… More >>
  • Genghis Khan's Last Meal


    Biographers tell us this guy was kind of a sweetheart, but I prefer to think of him as a fierce warrior and someone you wouldn't want to rile up. Accordingly, I think we should feed him a Uyghur meal. The food will be entirely familiar to him, since the Uyghurs were among the peoples united in his great Mongolian Empire.… More >>
  • Marie Curie's Last Meal

    Krolewski Jadlo

    The Queen of Radiation and two-time Nobel Laureate had simple tastes, and though our waggish side would have preferred to serve her an Indian curry due to her last name, decency prevailed. Consistent with her maiden name of Skodowska, we've decided to send her to the fanciest Polish joint in Greenpoint, Krolewski Jadlo ("King's Feast"), where she'll chow down on… More >>
  • Paris Hilton's Last Meal

    Paris Sandwich

    Poor Paris! Dogged by paparazzi, unable to keep her underpants on, thrown in jail—to counter these problems, we've selected one of the most obscure restaurants, where there are sure to be no photogs hanging around, and where no one will even notice if she exposes herself during her meal. Let's get her a Vietnamese banh mi sandwich at Paris Sandwich… More >>
  • John Gotti Jr.'s Last Meal

    Umberto's - CLOSED

    The mini-don doubtlessly loves seafood prepared in the Italian manner, and there's no better place in town for it than Umberto's on Arthur Avenue in Belmont, which I like better than the one in Manhattan's Little Italy. He can sit outside on a sunny afternoon and enjoy the lemony seafood salad of squid, conch, and shrimp, then go on to… More >>
  • John James Audubon's Last Meal

    Little Owl

    The son of a French sea captain and a Congolese slave, ornithologist and painter John James Audubon was no vegetarian—he had to shoot the birds that he painted, using fine buckshot so as not to blow them apart, then trussing them up with invisible wires. For his last meal, he'll seek out Little Owl and dine on the outsize pork… More >>
  • Don Imus's Last Meal

    DiFara Pizza

    While he's waiting to get his show back, the shock jock won't mind waiting for his last meal: We'll send him to DiFara Pizza, where he'll wait in line for a good long time (maybe an hour or more) doing penance for his racist remarks. His (final) reward will be a square Sicilian slice lushly topped with three… More >>
  • Captain Cook's Last Meal

    Bajan Café

    Explorer and captain in the British Navy, James Cook discovered Hawaii and became the first European to set foot on the coast of Australia. But culinarily, he left a footprint of a different sort, bringing all sorts of botanicals back to the Caribbean. It was he who was responsible for introducing breadfruit into Barbados, where it quickly became a staple.… More >>
  • Jimmy Dean's Last Meal

    Burmese Café

    We're not thinking about the beloved actor James Dean, but the singer and sausage maker Jimmy Dean, who flogged his "pure pork sausage" somewhat obscenely in the 1990s. We're going to treat him to a real rarity in these parts: pure pork curry. He'll sample it at Burmese Café, where three varieties are offered, and we'll give him a taste… More >>
  • King Tut's Last Meal


    As a potentate who ruled from his "crib" by the Nile River, the boy king Tut must have watched the reed boats slide into the muddy waters and cast their nets for fish. It will be a revelation for him to see how similar the modern Egyptian piscine provender is. One of several Jersey restaurants originating in Alexandria, Egypt, Suez… More >>
  • Icarus's Last Meal

    Smoke Joint

    Icarus had some nifty wings made by his dad Daedalus out of bird feathers held together with wire and wax. But before he flies too close to the sun and crashes in flames into the Icarian Sea, let's throw a feast for him and his dad at Smoke Joint, where the smoked buffalo wings will offer a vague premonition of… More >>
  • George W. Bush's Last Meal


    In name at least, Malatesta ("cracked in the head") is the only place we know demented enough for Bush's last meal. Since he'll hopefully be executed by the decree of a war-crimes tribunal sometime soon, it's appropriate that he enjoy a carbo-loading repast on the evening before his gassing. At Malatesta, fitting the mood of his enraged constituents, he'll enjoy… More >>
  • Dick Cheney's Last Meal

    Little Pepper

    There can be no doubt that Bush's VP is an evil dude, so we've developed our own version of extraordinary rendition for him. First, we'll lure him into a black limo somewhere in midtown with naked pix of the prez and first lady, then whisk him to Flushing, Queens. There we'll force-feed him a meal at Little Pepper (a/k/a Xiao… More >>
  • Hillary Clinton's Last Meal

    Joe's Shanghai

    Though she's spent most of her adult life in Arkansas, D.C., and New York, Hil is a Chicago girl at heart, born and raised in the City of Big Shoulders, as Carl Sandburg called it. Consistent with this cognomen, we're treating her to the fabled pork shoulder with brown gravy and spinach at Joe's Shanghai. And since downtown New York… More >>
  • Michael Bloomberg's Last Meal


    He didn't stop the Atlantic Yards, and he never made the city a better place to bicycle, but he certainly is ferreting out trans fats! Accordingly, the playboy mayor's last meal will be a very dry vegan scone from City Bakery's Birdbath, an eco-conscious bakery in the West Village that buys wind power from Con Ed and uses green materials… More >>
  • Cat Stevens's Last Meal

    The Fish & Chips Spot

    Born Steven Demetre Georgiou, but now known as Yosuf Islam, Cat was a pop hero in the late '60s, penning and singing such songs as "Wild World" and "Peace Train." When he converted to Islam and became a peace activist, the feds wouldn't let him into the country—probably because they hate rock. Accordingly, we're going to smuggle him into the… More >>
  • Bruce Lee's Last Meal

    Kool Bloo

    Martial-arts enthusiast and actor Bruce Lee (a/k/a Jun Fan) died way too young from a swollen brain. Others say it was from smoking hash and being allergic to it. Anyway, he made Time magazine's list of the 100 most influential figures of the 20th century, even though he died at 32. To honor this icon, we'd feed him a dragon… More >>
  • Patti Smith's Last Meal


    Yes, she moved to Detroit to be with Fred "Sonic" Smith (no relation), but she belongs forever in the East Village. Accordingly, we'd ensconce the raven-haired singer and growler in East Village Ukrainian fave Veselka for a plate of fried mixed pierogi, a snatch of rubbery kielbasa, and maybe a blueberry blintz with sour cream, all washed down with a… More >>
  • Judi Nathan's Last Meal

    Avenue U Sausage and Peppers

    As our philandering former mayor Rudy Giuliani tours the country in support of his presidential bid, masquerading as a quasi-liberal, his third wife must be a little worried about his behavior on the road. Accordingly, we're going to treat Nathan (née Stish) to a hot-dog last supper at Avenue U Sausage and Peppers, where the standard configuration involves a pair… More >>
  • Barney's Last Meal


    Die, Barney, die! The affable, eggplant-shaped dinosaur has driven many parents to distraction with his lumbering eccentricities and ability to turn legions of children into wallpaper paste. Let's first entice him with a meal of—what else?—eggplant at Alfanoose, a downtown institution where he can follow the delicious baba ganoush with mousaka, a casserole of eggplant and tomatoes. Then we'll use… More >>
  • Colonel Sanders's Last Meal

    Mitchell's Soul Food

    Let's treat the horny old codger to a last meal of real fried chicken—not the crap he peddles in his innumerable franchises. I'm thinking about the perfect bird at Mitchell's Soul Food, which arrives moist and fleshy, the crisp skin unencumbered except by the merest dusting of flour. And the sides are fab too, including collards and cheesy mac-and-cheese. And,… More >>
  • George Bernard Shaw's Last Meal


    As far as I can tell, all English vegetarians love cheese. So you won't be surprised that we've been casting around trying to find a final meal for the beloved Victorian playwright and socialist featuring excellent cheese. Our choice may prove controversial, but we're taking him to Meze, a Greek restaurant idiosyncratically located in an industrial region of Dyker Heights.… More >>
  • David Koresh's Last Meal


    The first time I ate in a Persian restaurant, it struck me as odd that the generic term for stew was nearly the same as that of a gun-toting Christian cultist. Accordingly, this feature fulfills a dream of ours to see David Koresh eating a Persian koresht. And, as a tourist to New York, he'll be glad to hear that… More >>
  • Bugs Bunny's Last Meal

    Concourse Bakery

    You wascally wabbit! Prior to your demise, you were very fond of carrots, we seem to recall, and would often be seen leaning against a tree and munching on one. It's only fair that we give you a piece of the city's best carrot cake, which can be found at Concourse Bakery, a splendid establishment near the Bronx's most genteel… More >>
  • George Washington Carver and Jimmy Carter's Last Meal

    Mie Jakarta

    We're sure George Washington Carver, the peanut scientist, and Jimmy Carter, the peanut farmer, will have lots to talk about when we throw them a joint last supper at Mie Jakarta. At this humble hawker stall turned storefront, they'll enjoy the house palm-sugar-laced peanut sauce on nearly everything, including sio may dumplings, gado gado salad, the marvelous miniature chicken satays,… More >>
  • Batman's Last Meal

    A Fan Ti - CLOSED

    When we see the Bat Signal streaming upward into the night sky, the first thing we exclaim is, "What the hell are we going to feed him after he returns from his latest heroic stunt?" We see the black cowl, black cape, and sneering curled lip and think: Here's a guy that must love variety meats. Nothing better than a… More >>
  • Buffalo Bill's Last Meal

    La Pentola Pizzeria

    Ha, ha—you thought I was going to give this 19th-century American showman a meal of buffalo wings, right? Well, I've got something substantially better: buffalo chicken pizza. We've seen it several places around town, a sign of the ineluctable march of pizza onward and upward. But we've never had a better example than at La Pentola Pizzeria, where the dining… More >>
  • Robin Hood's Last Meal

    Robin de Bois - CLOSED

    In Robin's case, we had a hard time choosing between two places, so we'll consign him to a progressive last meal at both. First, he'll have the excellent steak sandwich slathered with chipotle mayo at Brooklyn's Robin de Bois (the name is French for "Robin Hood"); then it's on to the Seaport's Il Brigante, a wood-oven-propelled Italian restaurant where the… More >>
  • Wilma Flintstone's Last Meal


    Fred's wife will swell with pride as she enjoys the best entree on the menu at Favela, a Brazilian bar and grill in Astoria. The dinosaur-size rib loaded with rich, perfectly grilled meat looks like something that would tip over the Flintstones' foot-powered car, and comes sided with chile relish and farofa, a condiment of manioc meal sautéed with smoked… More >>
  • James Joyce's Last Meal

    Casa Mono

    We know what the hero of Ulysses likes: "Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liver slices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencod's roes." Is there any doubt that Joyce himself enjoyed the same preferences? Accordingly, we're feeding him at Casa Mono, where a pile… More >>
  • Gwendolyn Brooks's Last Meal

    Mike's Coffee Shop

    Progressive Chicago poet Gwendolyn Brooks—the first African-American to win a Pulitzer Prize—wrote a half-century ago: "At Joe's Eats/You get your fish or chicken on meat platters/With coleslaw, macaroni, candied sweets/Coffee and apple pie. You go out full." Making us wonder: What's the contemporary equivalent of Joe's? At Mike's Coffee Shop on the corner of the Pratt Campus, the usual Greek… More >>
  • Don Cherry's Last Meal

    A Voce

    Finding a restaurant that served a dish featuring the surname of this beloved jazz trumpeter who worked with Coltrane and Coleman was no easy task. Luckily, A Voce—Andrew Carmellini's sensational Italian restaurant just off Madison Park—is famous for its duck meatballs glazed with dried cherry moustarda—a mustard-oil condiment associated with the northern Italian town of Cremona. Now we just have… More >>
  • Chuck Jones's Last Meal

    Fette Sau

    Prolific cartoonist Chuck Jones worked enough with Daffy, Bugs, and Porky that he deserves some sort of trophy—an edible trophy, we're thinking. Fette Sau, Brooklyn's great new barbecue, has revolutionized bar snacking by smoking pig tails. These are chewy and surprisingly meaty. They go well with any of the exotic beers or whiskies that are available, and when you're done,… More >>
  • John Lennon's Last Meal

    Baci & Abbracci

    The name Baci & Abbracci means "Hugs and Kisses" in Italian, and that's exactly what we'd like to give the beloved composer and peace activist. We'd settle him in the relaxing backyard and ply him with one of the wonderful wood-oven pizzas—say, the namesake pie, gobbed with fresh mozzarella, caramelized onions, and pancetta—then chase it with the baby gnocchi in… More >>
  • Billy Joel's Last Meal

    Via Emilia - CLOSED

    In "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant," the Long Islander sings: "I'll meet you any time you want/In our Italian restaurant." We think it only fair that we invite him to one of ours instead, since we don't trust his taste in food. At the relocated and still exemplary Via Emilia, the emphasis is on the food of Modena in Emilia-Romagna,… More >>
  • Golda Meier's Last Meal


    Golda's dirty little secret is that she was once a schoolteacher in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. To teach her about the more exotic types of Jewish diaspora food, we're taking her to Shalom, a kosher Uzbeki joint that replaced Beautiful Bukhara not long ago. Happily, the hummus and the bulging manti dumplings remain the stars on a menu that also provides plenty… More >>
  • Lord Byron's Last Meal

    Pearl Oyster Bar

    Romantic poet and lady-killer George Gordon once said, "A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine & becoming viands." So we think it appropriate that we make him eat his words by downing a pair of lobster rolls at the Village's foremost redoubts of culinary feminism, Pearl Oyster… More >>
  • Pete Townsend's Last Meal

    Turkish Bay Ridge Café

    What we've lined up for the near-deaf Who guitarist is a wonderful kebab meal at the Turkish Bay Ridge Café, where the menu features 10 amazing lamb entrees. In keeping with the musical theme of the evening, we'll precede the kebabs with the feta-filled pastry flutes sometimes called "fingers of Fatima." Then Pete will feast on our favorite kebab, the… More >>
  • Angelina Jolie's Last Meal

    Treichville - CLOSED

    We suspect that when Angelina flies to Africa to adopt babies, she stays in the finest hotels and eats Western-style gourmet food. Accordingly, we think it only appropriate that she have a real African meal. Let's send her to Treichville, one of the city's few Ivory Coast eateries. There, she'll scarf a fiery seafood "pepper soup" that compares favorably with… More >>
  • Brad Pitt's Last Meal


    For Mr. Jolie's last supper, we'll have him don the chain-mail miniskirt that shows off his muscular thighs—you know, the one he wore in Troy. And what's the dining venue we have in mind? Why, Troy, of course, the Turkish fast-food spot lurking behind the Port Authority Bus Terminal. And we're selecting those dishes that seem particularly ancient to us,… More >>
  • Jimmy Buffet's Last Meal

    Denino's Pizzeria and Tavern

    Down in Margaritaville, folks like to be called "conches." Accordingly, we'll feed old Jimmy a final repast of scungilli salad at Staten Island's beloved Denino's Pizzeria and Tavern. Served cold and dressed with a piquant vinaigrette, the salad is mainly pink swatches of conch interspersed with chopped celery and onions. And he'll moisten his warbling lips with—what else?—a margarita from… More >>
  • Hannibal Lecter's Last Meal


    The fictional mass murderer once famously said, "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." Well, we might not know where to find him a human liver, but we sure know where to find the fava beans and the Chianti: at the North African bistro Nomad, where he… More >>
  • Anne Sexton's Last Meal


    In one of the weirder poetic fantasies we've ever come across, Sexton writes: "I remember the stink of the liverwurst/How I was put on a platter and laid/between the mayonnaise and the bacon." With this quote vibrating in our minds, how could we feed her anything but liverwurst? Accordingly, we'll send her to Loreley, one of the city's new wave… More >>
  • Casper the Friendly Ghost's Last Meal

    Himalayan Yak

    This character was a toughy. Food near a cemetery? Something cartoonish? No, we thought long and hard about his essential features—whiteness and insubstantiality—and came up with la phing, a pale, wobbly jelly made from mung beans, a specialty of Himalayan Yak. It comes pooled in a salty soy sauce and doused with vinegar and chile paste. Will his cheeks turn… More >>
  • Beck's Last Meal

    Kiosco Piaxtla

    We felt bad when we first listened to "Satan Gave Me a Taco": "Satan gave me a taco/And it made me really sick/The chicken was all raw/And the grease was mighty thick." To redress the injustice, we're giving Mr. Hansen a really, really good chicken taco from Kiosco Piaxtla, another Pueblan grocery that morphed into a café. As a second… More >>
  • Ho Chi Minh's Last Meal

    Pho Mac

    For delivering a profound kick in the ass to misguided American foreign policy, we want the revolutionary Vietnamese hero to have the best Viet food we can muster as his last repast. As such, we'll smuggle him into a rather conservative neighborhood wearing a George Bush mask. There's no better pho in town than that found in a strip mall… More >>
  • Gypsy Rose Lee's Last Meal

    Strip House

    This is almost too predictable, but we're going to award Gypsy Rose Lee—the stage name of the mother of modern striptease—a full steak dinner at Strip House. She'll feast on (what else?) a New York strip, of which there are two sizes. Given her cup size, we think she deserves large. Alongside will be two of the Village… More >>
  • Sarah McLachlan's Last Meal

    Il Laboratorio del Gelato

    In "Ice Cream," the Grammy Award–winning Canadian songstress claims that love is better than ice cream. To disabuse her of this absurd notion, we'll be whisking her to Il Laboratorio del Gelato, where one spoonful of chocolate Kahlua, vanilla saffron, black mission fig, or the unforgettable Earl Grey ice cream ought to convince her of the folly of her assertion.… More >>
  • Superman's Last Meal

    Super Taste

    Before we shoot him with a kryptonite bullet, we've got to find a way to lure him into our clutches. How 'bout inviting him to eat the wonderful "noodles with beef in hot and spicy soup"? This delicacy features hand-pulled noodles that originated in the Inner Mongolian city of Lanzhou. The best place to get them: Super Taste, which sounds… More >>
  • Martha Stewart's Last Meal

    Old Poland Bakery and Restaurant - CLOSED

    The WASP-ish doyenne of the wifely arts is really no WASP at all, but a Pole. So let's treat her to a down-home Polish meal of sauerkraut pierogi followed by a pair of boiled pork shanks, sided with a boiled vegetable of her choice and two scoops of mashed potatoes at Old Poland Bakery and Restaurant. Then she gets… More >>
  • Dave Grohl's Last Meal

    Bamboo House

    The Foo Fighters' frontman deserves the city's best egg foo young! This much-maligned cornerstone of Chinese-American cuisine is getting difficult to find. Since the untimely demise of Jade Mountain, Bamboo House has become the East Village's most ancient Cantonese eatery, a maze of red lanterns and green Formica. Egg foo young comes in the standard formulation of three eggy patties… More >>
  • Romeo's Last Meal


    Where else but Juliette? The sprawling French brasserie offers a splendid roof garden, where the lovelorn stud can drink a bargain bottle of French wine (many in the $20 to $30 range) and use it to wash down any number of diverting snacks, such as toasts smeared with salt cod brandade or—to keep his youthful figure—meal-size salads. Hopefully, he won't… More >>
  • Orson Welles's Last Meal


    Though he died massively obese, America's best-loved film director, screenwriter, and actor was once a skinny kid growing up in southeastern Wisconsin. What he needs is a big hunk of cheddar, but we can't just sit him down at a cheese store like Stinky Brooklyn, after all. Instead, the perfect thing would be a tureen of cheddar fondue at Artisanal.… More >>
  • M.F.K. Fisher's Last Meal


    In An Alphabet for Gourmets, Ms. Fisher intones that "most bereaved souls crave nourishment more tangible than prayers: they want a steak. What is more, they need a steak." And a steak is what Mary Frances shall have. The cudgel-size rib-eye at Landmarc is her cut, singed to a perfect "rare" on the hearth at the end of the downstairs… More >>
  • Marlon Brando's Last Meal

    Chiyono - CLOSED

    In Bertolucci's Last Tango in Paris, Brando tells Maria Schneider to "Go get the butter" as a prelude to anal sex. Prodding us to wonder: What does Brando deserve? How about a mouthful of raw squid at Chiyono, which tastes like—shamelessly quoting ourselves —"the gooey aftermath of a blowjob." This culinary inversion turns out to be particularly apropos since, as… More >>
  • George and Ira Gershwin's Last Meal

    Bahry Fish Market

    The composer and lyricist, respectively, of Porgy and Bess deserve to eat the best damn porgy money can buy, so we'll send them to Bahry Fish Market, a miraculous Egyptian place in Bay Ridge that lets you pick your own fish from the bed of ice in the window, then have it grilled and served with baba ganoush and "chips,"… More >>
  • Sonic Youth's Last Meal

    Hadramout - CLOSED

    One of our fave SY albums is 1990's Goo, and so we decided to feed the no-longer- youthful band some actual goo. Thus we find ourselves sending them to Hadramout, a café named after a narrow wadi (canyon) near the Empty Quarter Desert in Yemen. There they'll dine on salta, a big cast-iron pot of bubbling goo containing lamb,… More >>
  • Napoleon's Last Meal

    Pommes Frites

    Just imagine the Little Emperor standing on Second Avenue, his right hand tucked inside his brass-buttoned cutaway blue coat, his empress Josephine perched beside him, both of them gorging on a big white cone of greasy french fries from Pommes Frites, where the spuds come twice-fried—a technique, we hasten to add, that was invented in Belgium rather than France. Now,… More >>
  • CunningLynguists' Last Meal

    Dosa Hutt

    Deacon the Villain and Kno's first album was titled Will Rap for Food, and we're going to hold them to that boast. In the title track, Deacon raps: "I don't capsize boats/But I got crews flippin'," which made us think of the wonderful South Indian pancakes called uttapam at the sainted Dosa Hutt, where you can get them studded… More >>
  • Franz Ferdinand's Last Meal

    Chinatown Ice Cream Factory

    Which Franz Ferdinand do we mean, you ask? First, the Scottish rock band: Since the ensemble is sometimes showered with girls' underpants at their shows, we'll send them to Chinatown Ice Cream Factory, where one of the specialties featured on the counter has long been the CaCa Diaper, a chocolate novelty that needs no description. Second, for the Archduke of… More >>
  • Satan's Last Meal

    El Patio

    The Dark Lord is often portrayed as a goat. Until goat lib comes along, we're allowed to play with the idea. Now, it would be easy to get him a goat roti at one of Flatbush's excellent roti shops, but let's go for something more unusual: How about a serving of the lovely Ecuadorian goat stew at El Patio, which… More >>
  • Lindsay Lohan's Last Meal

    New Big Wang

    Let's face it, Lindsay is boy-crazy. What better place for her to eat than New Big Wang, where she can enjoy Chinatown's most appealing charcuterie (ribs, suckling pig, and duck, served with a ginger-scallion relish) and one of the best wonton soups in town, featuring dumplings with a skin so thin, they look like babies' brains. Thanks, Francis, for this… More >>
  • Neil Young's Last Meal

    The Inn LW12

    He gave so much of his genius to the music scene in the States, we feel compelled to treat the weenie-voiced singer with something authentically Canadian. Accordingly, we're sending him to eat at the city's only north-of-the-border restaurant, The Inn LW12. Sitting at the downstairs bar and enjoying the painted Canadian landscapes, he'll feast on poutine, the Quebecois… More >>
  • Tom Thumb's Last Meal

    Harlem Wing and Waffle - CLOSED

    Born Charles Sherwood Stratton in 1838, General Tom Thumb (as he was dubbed by P.T. Barnum) never grew an inch or gained a pound after he reached the age of six months (25 inches, 15 pounds), though he became one of America's most beloved performers—singing, dancing, and miming his way across the stage. We'll reward him with a… More >>
  • Steely Dan's Last Meal

    Café 47

    Steely Dan's wildly successful third album was Pretzel Logic, so we took it as our mission to find a really weird but good pretzel as a last meal for the band—as well as to commemorate the album's release. A qualifying pretzel magically appeared one afternoon at Café 47, an obscure kosher eatery in the shadow of the Gowanus Expressway, maybe… More >>
  • Alec Baldwin's Last Meal

    Bosna Express

    There's no doubt the handsome, aging actor from Long Island has a big mouth, and he shoots it off all the time. Nothing better to fill it than the giant lamb-and-beef burger called pljeskavica at Bosna Express, a picturesque stall under the M train's tracks. Laced with onions, the hubcap-sized patty comes on a homemade bun—you couldn't buy one that… More >>
  • Rosie O'Donnell's Last Meal

    Koronet Pizza

    There's no doubt Rosie has a big mouth, too, even though we took her side against the absurd Donald Trump on The View. (Find a better wig, Donald!) What we have in mind for Rosie is the humongous slice at Koronet Pizza, so big it requires two hands to hoist it. The cheese is good too, and a single slice… More >>
  • Sidney Poitier's Last Meal


    Guess who's coming to dinner? The first African-American actor to win an Academy Award—and a civil-rights activist to boot—Sidney was raised on Cat Island in the Bahamas, so we can't resist giving him a taste of the island staple salt cod. Imagine the sense memories that'll be stirred when he downs the toast domed with salt-cod brandade at Boqueria. It's… More >>
  • Fran Lebowitz's Last Meal


    Essayist and humorist Fran Lebowitz once said, "Japanese food is very pretty and undoubtedly a suitable cuisine in Japan, which is largely populated by people of below average size. Hostesses hell-bent on serving such food to Occidentals would be well advised to supplement it with something more substantial and to keep in mind that almost everybody likes french fries"—demonstrating that… More >>
  • Karl Marx's Last Meal

    Stanton Social

    The bearded radical would doubtlessly have some pithy (and pissy) things to say about the ongoing transformation of the Lower East Side from an immigrant slum to a playground for Richie Rich. We can't resist piquing his imagination with a plate of the excellent lobster sliders from the Stanton Social. He'll wash it down not with an effete bottle of… More >>
  • Robert Mitchum's Last Meal

    La Taza de Oro

    Ditch digger, hobo, and eventually Hollywood leading man, Mitchum took many film noir roles, including in Night of the Hunter and Cape Fear. He also had a yen for marijuana, and served a stretch in a California prison farm as a result. Accordingly, we're serving him pot roast, in the form of onion-and-pepper-laced ropa vieja ("shredded clothes") at La Taza… More >>
  • Nicole Richie's Last Meal

    Crif Dogs

    From one of our favorite food-related websites——we learned that Nicole's favorite food is the amazingly phallic hot dog. And you can't get better weenies anywhere than Crif Dogs, where the logo of a scantily clad gal riding a hot dog might be mistaken for Miss Richie herself. But damned if we could decide which one to get her! Should… More >>
  • Richard Nixon's Last Meal

    J & L Mall

    The jowly president was the first ever to resign, leaving a legacy whose only positive feature may be the rapprochement with China he engineered. To help him relive the glory days of his 1972 Chinese trip, we're sending him to the closest thing we have to the overpopulated Asian land mass: Flushing's J & L Mall. This warren of small… More >>
  • Sarah Jessica Parker's Last Meal

    Sunset Pizzeria

    In Good Housekeeping, Sarah (or should I say Carrie?) admitted to being obsessed with food and thinking about it even when she's in bed: "Matthew and I will lie in bed at night, and we'll say to each other . . . What are we going to eat? If you get up before me, are you going to make bacon?"… More >>
  • 50 Cent's Last Meal


    In "Without Meat," the gangsta rapper intones, "I've created a new meat, 'cuz nobody wants to/See turkey no more they want ham." Always striving to please, we're getting Half Dollar a ham sandwich from 'wichcraft—but which one? After a carefully conducted taste panel of all the ham-bearing sandwiches, we selected the breakfast concoction of ham, avocado, and butter… More >>
  • Julia Stiles's Last Meal

    Bar Six

    Stiles, an alumna of P.S. 3 in the West Village, was once a vegan. In a notorious 2003 interview with Conan O'Brien, she described what it was like chewing on her first post-vegan hamburger: "Oh God, the word orgasm' comes to mind." Intent on giving her another burst of pleasure, we're treating her to the big, sweaty, flame-grilled, half-pound Angus-beef… More >>
  • Molière's Last Meal

    B & H Deli

    Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, a/k/a Molière, is the French Shakespeare, specializing in such comedies as The Miser, The Misanthrope, and Tartuffe. A famous trencherman who eschewed the florid language of his contemporaries, he enthused, "I feed on good soup, not beautiful language." We're going to provide that soup at the hallowed B & H Deli in the East Village, where the roster… More >>
  • Barbara Bush's Last Meal


    The ex–first lady is the current first grandmother, and even though we may not approve of her frowsy, tippling granddaughters, we think she deserves a grandma pie from Dean's, the latest tentacular extension of Nick's Pizza in Forest Hills. The crust is the thickness of a regular Neapolitan pie, but the shape is square, and lots of intense flavor is… More >>
  • Fatty Arbuckle's Last Meal


    Poor Fatty! The great vaudevillian and silent-film comedian (he invented the pie in the face) had his career ruined by scandal—he was accused of killing actress Virginia Rappe while raping her, though he was later exonerated. We're going to make sure he gets plenty of fat for his final, three-part meal. First, a kebab of lamb-tail fat from the Uzbeki… More >>
  • Bill Murray's Last Meal

    Saigon Banh Mi Bakery

    The lanky, pizza-faced comedian had his first starring film role in the Canadian summer-camp comedy Meatballs, and so as to never let him forget it—in spite of his "serious" roles lately—we're scoring a meatball banh mi for him at the finest Vietnamese sandwich parlor in town, Saigon Banh Mi Bakery, idiosyncratically located in the rear of a jewelry store. Joining… More >>
  • Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir's Last Meal

    Yo Yo Fritaille

    The goggle-eyed existentialist and his proto-feminist fuck buddy will be treated to one of the highest achievements of French cooking—though one that wasn't created in France itself, but rather in one of her former colonies. The Haitian pork confit called griot is a specialty of the melodiously named Yo Yo Fritaille, the venerable producer of all things fried, where a… More >>
  • Fidel Castro's Last Meal

    Turks and Frogs

    The Cuban revolutionary leader has rarely been seen without a cigar sticking out of his mouth, but now he's reportedly in such bad health that he probably shouldn't let even an unlit one come in contact with his lips. So we're performing the old bait-and-switch by taking him to Turks and Frogs (which is not to be confused with the… More >>
  • Frida Kalho's Last Meal

    Gold St.

    For years, it seemed like it was impossible to open a Mexican restaurant without multiple self-portraits of the uni-browed Mexican painter. For her last meal—and perhaps we'll invite her muralist boyfriend Diego Rivera—we're bringing her to Gold St., the new diner-cum-sushi-bar way downtown. There's nothing cuter, or more painterly, than the big-eye tuna tacos. Actually, the big-eye tuna is the… More >>
  • Madonna's Last Meal

    Taste Good in Elmhurst

    Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie has reinvented herself repeatedly, but rarely so persuasively as in her 1998 release Ray of Light, which sold 15 million units and went platinum in several countries. To commemorate the 10th anniversary of its release, we're preparing a progressive Malaysian meal of stingray in three boroughs. We'll whisk her in a… More >>
  • Dante's Last Meal

    Casa Dante - CLOSED

    Though we were tempted to treat the 13th-century poet to a truly hellish meal at one of Frank Bruni's favorite places to thank him (Dante, not Bruni) for mapping hell in The Divine Comedy, our better side won out, and so we decided to take him to his namesake restaurant, Casa Dante in Jersey City, where we'll regale him with… More >>
  • The Michelin Rubber Man's Last Meal

    Stand - CLOSED

    He's so cute! Composed of white tires, the Michelin Rubber Man, also known as Bibendum, has been seducing tire buyers since he was introduced in France in 1898. His bulbous figure was also parodied in Ghostbusters. Since he looks like a stack of marshmallows, we decided to treat him to a hamburger of his choice and a toasted-marshmallow milk shake… More >>
  • Lady Bird Johnson's Last Meal

    Hill Country

    Born Claudia Alta Taylor in Karnack, Texas, the long-lived former first lady was a beloved fixture in Austin, where she died earlier this year. Since we respect her and have no idea what she liked to eat, we're taking her to Hill Country, where the barbecue mimics that of Kreuz Market in Lockhart, Texas. There, she'll enjoy a familiar meal… More >>
  • Martin Luther King's Last Meal

    Sri Ganesh's Dosa House

    The civil-rights activist and Nobel Prize winner espoused a doctrine of civil disobedience inspired by Mohandas Gandhi. He also suffered imprisonment as a result of his activities and lifelong hectoring by the FBI, who suspected he was a communist. In observance of his Indian inspiration, we're serving the American saint a comforting meal at Sri Ganesh's Dosa House, where… More >>
  • Ben Gibbard's Last Meal


    Sad-sack Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie and Postal Service will feel right at home when we blow him to a big feed at E-Mo, a takeout that specializes in big-ass maki rolls, Korean style, served with a free cup of miso soup. Aside from a few fish and meat choices, the majority of the rolls are vegetarian, including crunchy… More >>
  • Albert Einstein's Last Meal

    Albert's Mofongo House

    We're treating the brainy mathematician and astrophysicist to a meal of mofongo (which kinda looks like a big brain) at Albert's Mofongo House, where the deep-fried orbs come perched on a pilon�the Hispano-Caribbean mortar in which the constituent plantain is mashed. Of the many permutations available, we�ll serve him Viagrafongo, which comes with a cock-erecting combination of fresh seafood.… More >>
  • Ulysses' Last Meal

    It's Greek to Me - CLOSED

    "You thought the leaden winter would bring you down forever/But you rode upon a steamer to the violence of the sun," as Eric Clapton wrote and Jack Bruce sang in Cream's "Tales of the Brave Ulysses." Being gone from home for 10 years must have been tough, and we're going to award the mariner's persistence with some home-style Greek cooking.… More >>
  • The Earl of Sandwich's Last Meal

    Com Tam Lan Anh

    John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, is often credited with inventing the sandwich as a convenience that allowed him to dine while he continued playing cards. That sandwich was undoubtedly a roast of some sort cradled in bread. To show how far the sandwich has come between the 18th century and the end of the world, let's feed him… More >>
  • Takeru Kobayashi's Last Meal

    En Japanese Brasserie

    Actually, we secretly hoped the most recent hot-dog-eating contest at Nathan's in Coney Island would be his last meal, at which he gave up the mustard belt to somebody with the hilarious name of Joey Chestnut, matching him dog-for-dog up to 66, then throwing three of the weenies up onto his shirt! His last meal will be the diametrical opposite… More >>
  • Ogden Nash's Last Meal


    America's favorite comic poet once wrote, "Celery, raw, develops the jaw," which prompts us to play a little trick on him. We'll invite him to Degustation, where one of chef Wesley Genovart's signature dishes is a fried artichoke and a kumamoto oyster deposited in mussel broth topped with raw-celery foam. Ha, ha—Oggie won't get much crunch out of that! We'll… More >>
  • Sammy Sosa's Last Meal

    Hosta Halal Gyro

    The home-run king swings for the bleachers using a made-in-Louisville ash bat, but we've got a different bat for him. The outsize Middle Eastern flatbread called lavash teams up with a triumphant combo of herby lamb and greasy chicken gyro to make a baseball-bat-size rolled sandwich at Hosta Halal Gyro, an estimable new addition to the mix of Turkish, Georgian,… More >>
  • Lyndon Johnson's Last Meal

    San Francisco De Asis

    LBJ was a devotee of an East Austin joint called Cisco's, which had a back room where pols would hang out over a breakfast of migas, a Tex-Mex staple of eggs scrambled with fried tortilla chips and salsa. Unfortunately, migas are rare in these parts, but I'm sure the banana-nosed president wouldn't mind if we substituted the chilaquiles at San… More >>
  • Paul Bunyan's Last Meal

    Peppa's Jerk Chicken

    They say it took 17 storks to deliver the gigantic lumberjack, whose statue still graces many Minnesota vacation towns. To play a gigantic joke on this larger-than-life figure, we'll feed him a meal to remind him of his sidekick, Babe the Blue Ox. The oxtails at Peppa's Jerk Chicken are as good as it gets—meaty discuses of bone-in meat cooked… More >>