Dear Mr./Mrs. Voice,
It has come to my attention that you have awarded Bucky Turco the title of Downtown (Idiot) Savant.
All I've got to say is, listen, I don't even know the guy. Everything he has ever said concerning me has been a farce. I never wrote those disgusting letters, and if I had corresponded with someone, it wouldn't have been him. I met Bucky Turco briefly, at The Charleston, but was unware of who he was. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in a disgusting apartment, without my pants, and have this guy wearing a University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slug costume hovering over me, breathing heavily, listening to "Jitterbug".
Would you really want to honor a guy that listens to Wham!? That's what I thought.