When your current flame isn't special enough to warrant the $900 Mad Men suite at the Pierre—she's no Joan Harris—but your office couch isn't exactly available (meaning you don't have one), take her to a private karaoke room. Plush couches, drink service, and all the Celine Dion tracks you need to set the mood await. (You'll have to be creative about positions, though—most of these rooms have small windows facing dark hallways.) The streets are simply teeming with karaoke privacy in the West 30s, but our favorite clubs are further downtown. Karaoke One 7 is one of the more popular wordless song joints in the city, and for good reason: Its happy hour (before 6 p.m.) gets you one of nine private rooms at $4 per person per hour. Drinks are also half-price, so you'll be able to consume enough sake and Japanese beers to make the ugly yellow walls and brown booths seem as sexy as possible. U2 Karaoke Lounge & Suites does better with the décor: Try to snag one of the warm red-and-orange rooms, which feature blue-and-gold-paisley benches and a table—should you need one. This club is a winner for late-night trysts: The place is open till 6 a.m. on weekends and will run you $20 per room per hour, plus tip. For a postcoital snack, simply call on a waiter to bring you buffalo wings and dumplings for an additional charge. And the swankiest of cheap, tawdry hookup spots can be found at Karaoke Boho West 4: The exposed-brick walls and dark brown leather banquettes make these rooms as nice as anything Don Draper would do it in; in fact, we've seen him get it on with less. The only snag—or benefit, depending on who you are—is that each room requires a minimum of three singers. A Saturday-night threesome will set you back 27 bucks. Karaoke One 7, 29 West 17th Street, 212-675-3527; U2 Karaoke Lounge & Suites, 6 St. Marks Place, 212-228-6250; Karaoke Boho West 4, 186 West 4th Street, 212-255-0011