Dear Bush Beat . . .

You have issues, we have issues

Manhattan project: Webmaster Akash Goyal (back) and I fine-tune The Bush Beat from the Voice's East Village HQ. Arrow points to can of potato chips.

Gonzales to Justice, Rice to State, Negroponte to National Intelligence, Bolton to the U.N.—stop!

And now Karen Hughes doing "public diplomacy"? Christ, even Business Week thinks that flack attack on the world is foolish, saying:

    It's tough to call this move surprising. And it seems destined to advance the decline of America's image abroad.

OK, we get the point, Bush. You and your handlers think you can do anything you want. But could you at least stop piling it on so fast? I haven't had a chance to answer any mail. Jeez, I feel as if I were still shoveling shit at my dad's kennels.

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Anyway, here are some letters that have been gathering electrons.

Lauren Steiner wrote:

    Why are there no links on your page to email your column to a friend or for a printer ready format?

And Mike Brown of Waco, Texas, wrote:

    Can I be placed on an e-mail list to receive Bush Beat each day at my e-mail address?

Thanks for writing, Lauren and Mike. Our crack technicians and I are working on those technical issues as fast as we can (see photo). In the meantime, try to stall Bush from invading anyone else's country.

Harold Vick of Fort Thomas, Kentucky, wrote:

    You are a one-note samba with no respect for the truth whatsoever. This is the Hal Vick Doctrine: If you tell just one lie, you are a liar. Think about that at random times throughout the day.

Thanks for writing, Hal. I have great respect for your doctrine. Wait, I guess that makes me a liar.

Just after the tsunami, Bill Cummins wrote:

    We know what President Bush is/has been doing to help the tsunami victims in southeast Asia. A lot! Now tell us what the Village Voice is doing to help. Or are you too busy Bush-bashing to contribute anything positive to the relief efforts?

Thanks for writing, Bill. I'm sure my colleagues have been generous. But as I said earlier, yes, I've been really, really busy trying to keep up with Bush's anti-relief efforts in the parts of the world unaffected by the tsunami.

Along about the same time, Dan Ryan wrote:

    None of us like to be even a "little" wrong, and certainly no one wants to be "mostly" wrong, but, in your case, how does it feel to be DEAD WRONG?

Thanks for writing, Dan. It feels about the same as usual.

Steven Schroeder wrote:

    Hi, Ward!
    Just caught your column for the first time today. What a pleasure to read! Keep this great work coming! Best regards,
    Steven Schroeder
    Master Chief Petty Officer,
    U.S. Navy, Retired

Thanks for writing, chief.

Tim of Angle wrote:

    *Sigh* You guys are such fossils.

Thanks for writing, Tim of Angle. Who are these "you guys" you're talking about?

Dalerstock wrote:

    Thank you for the amusement. If it weren't for some humor—God help us!!!

Thanks for writing, Dalerstock. I hope she does help us.

Dan Cabaniss wrote:

    Thanks for the good read. Never saw your column until today. It made me laugh, mostly because it's ridiculous bullshit. You might as well just forward people to Michael Moore's site. Thanks for the giggles.

Thanks for writing, Dan. I never forward anyone to other sites. Sorry.

K.H. wrote:

    Dear Fellow Citizen:

    I am an American citizen who has been subjected to criminal abuse at the hands of the FBI since 1994. Their crimes include thought reading, physical torture, verbal abuse broadcast at me, and a take-over of my dreams at my expense.

    Because I became aware of my abuse by their verbal broadcasting of my thoughts to me, their scripted taped responses, the comments of the agents on shift in response to my thoughts—or to augment their abuse, and dream manipulations, I have followed their agenda pretty much since its conception. Mostly through T.V. and a little through newspapers. Until recently, information on the method of their verbal broadcasting (which can be heard by the victim, but not by others in the same vicinity) has been kept secret. . . .

Thanks for writing, K.H. Yeah, most people seem to receive their orders from TV, not newspapers.

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