Dirty New Year's Resolutions!

Being complicit with the porno industry, there's not much point in me making resolutions to lift myself out of the murk of an attenuated, opportunistic existence. But as this is also a blog, into whose gaping maw I must regularly feed "content," I'll indulge myself!

1. Better Fact-Checking So far, my readers have pointed out that the capital of Texas is Austin, not Dallas (some girl, as the geography expert calls herself, also referred to me as a "douche"--hyperlink mine), and that sex educator Violet Blue called starlet Violet Blue racist because of statements once made in an interview and later retracted--the latter fact courtesy of Sheldon Ranz, who is definitely not a porn geek. (Papa Maldoro, it should be noted, has yet to call me out on my narrative of our holiday nudie bar extravaganza.) For me, these were not merely clarifications--they were revelations. (Austin is in Texas?) I hereby resolve to check all facts--at the door, and exclusively deliver groundless opinions.

2. Less Half-Assery

3. A Deeper Engagement With Academic Criticism of Pornography As Linda Williams wrote in her semenal I mean seminal book Hardcore: Power, Pleasure, and the "Frenzy of the Visible": "Important as Foucault's ideas are to a more refined understanding of sexuality's complex history and the basic discontinuities in the cultural construction of sexualities in diverse areas, they are sometimes not as radical as they seem. For women especially, the central theme of historical discontinuity often seems like the familiar story of plus ça change." Ha! Tell me about it.

Upcoming Events

4. A More "Sex Positive" Outlook Watch this space for the latest on vibrators shaped like penguins, interviews with bespectacled sex educators, letter-writing campaigns on behalf of imprisoned horse-fuckers, broadsides of President Bush, and advice on how to put things up your ass.

5. A Renewed Focus on My Long-Planned "Blovel" In which a young white male blogger who lives in Brooklyn--named Johnny Maldoro--immerses himself in the sexy world of porn (which he covers for the website of a downtown alternative weekly that employs egotistical oddballs and horny interns), then writes a thinly-veiled roman a clef about his experiences. Both my book and the book by my protagonist "Johnny Maldoro" will be titled Dirty Pornos: Careening Down Humanity's Poop Chute--An Untrue Story.

Speaking of my unending, soul-crushing despair, I was interested to come across this blog entry when I was googling my name the other night while drunk:

Dirty Pornos by Johnny Maldoro is back on the Voice online with an ax to grind. I didn't get much of what he was saying, except the political references, and the stuff about McKai's KGK.

The entry, written by the guy (Devan?) who edits the rather excellent industry chronicle Deviant Cult X, goes on to say, in response to my inaugural post:

He also seems prepared to be attacked thoroughly by the blogosphere for reasons he doesn't make fully clear, which makes his rant seem a tad bit self-important as well as paranoid.

I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!

Still, the post ends on a very supportive, encouraging note (it's the 12/14 entry, three-quarters of the way down this page). Frankly, I was touched. And that's coming from a guy who's used to touching himself, and certain pages of Blender magazine.

For my final resolution, I promise to get back to the business of reviewing pornos. I'll need the dialogue for my blovel.

Upcoming Events

 


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >