I've already pissed all over Facebook and taken a crapper on Twitter and its supposed tricks and tweets. Well, now I'm here to bang out one more irascible thing on my Luddite typewriter, and that is: To hell with Blu-ray! This is yet another technological development that everyone's starting to feel they have to be part of, mainly as a tool of oppression to make YOU feel inferior for not playing along. And what's so great about blu-ray discs, pray tell? They have more storage space on them, that's what! As if the release of, say, Fast and the Furious 9 needs hundreds of hours of cut footage and extra features!
"But Blu-ray discs work with high definition TVs," I hear you shrieking. "The sound and picture are extraordinarily better." Well, I don't need to see any more clarity on Philip Seymour Hoffman's pores or Drew Barrymore's nostrils. I've always been able to see and hear just fine, even back in the days of videos and even way before that when you just looked at whatever the fuck was on TV! This supposed advance is just an excuse for me to have to buy new equipment so I can emit the cry of the high-tech victims: "Did you see Pinocchio on Blu-ray?" Please! He's an animated puppet with a big nose! He's not supposed to look that good! End of sermon.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.