Heart Truth Red Dress Collection: Lindsay Lohan's Choirboy Hips

Now in it third year, the Red Dress Collection in Bryant Park is a collaboration between top fashion designers and the Heart Truth--a campaign to raise awareness for heart disease, the leading cause of death among women. Zac Posen, Luca Luca, and other famous designers dress celebrities like Sheryl Crow in red gowns for a runway presentation.

So here is the quick roundup. Lindsay Lohan: The ever-withering actress opened the show in a long-sleeved, v-neck gown by Calvin Klein. It is one thing to see Lohan in celeb rags, the incriminating “TOO THIN?” headline stamped above her head, and another to witness it in person (well, six rows back). Her lack of hips is frightening--like a 12-year-old choir boy from the waist down. Fergie from Black-Eyed Peas: The classic McNasty we’ve all grown to love didn’t disappoint, in a backless, body-hugging minidress studded with Swarovski crystals—along with the Nelly “sweet ass” Furtado, it was nice to see a women with actual hips take the stage. Debbie Harry: Stunning as usual, in a Grecian-inspired Donna Karan that plunged down the front to showcase the ladies. Patti Hansen: shimmied, a little self-consciously, to “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” by the Stones. Eartha Kitt: received the greatest applause, because she is Eartha Kitt, and you are not. Elaine Stritch: In a thigh-length, billowing Charles Nolan gown, she closed the show with a spirited rendition of “You Gotta Have Heart.” At 80, the witch has better thighs than me.

Gift bag: Celestial Seasonings; drugstore toiletries like Reach toothbrushes; a Swarovski Red Dress pin; and more Splenda than one would ever need. Did you know they made a Splenda specifically for baking? Celebrities spotted: Angie Harmon; Jason and LC from Laguna Beach, cuddling grossly in the front row.

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