I Was a Dick in a Box For Halloween

I Was a Dick in a Box For Halloween

As I threatened--I mean promised--I went out on Halloween night dressed as a giant gift box, and if you bitches want to consider the result a dick in a box, that's absolutely fine with me.

Whatever I was, I made to sure to flaunt my big bow and fiberoptic hat while watching the big parade--though my box was getting drenched and all I could see was a sea of umbrellas and an occasional bouncing skeleton or Lady Gaga impersonator.

So I bolted and dashed to Linda Simpson's party at the Ukrainian National Home, where I was photographed with the high-eyebrowed silver people in the main shot and with vampy Christian Freedom below.

I Was a Dick in a Box For Halloween

Then it was on to Lucky Cheng's, the Cock, Urge, and VIG 27, all of which were whimsical, mindless, and perfect for a budget. I've never seen so many enema nurses in my life--and not all of them were pretending!

The only place NOT on our journey of the living dead was the gay lounge DTOX because they scarily insisted on a five-dollar admission fee! I'm sending them an apple with a razor blade as we speak.

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