Joan Rivers Hates Tom Cruise A Lot!
This is from Joan's hilarious new book, I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me:
"First of all, he's always got this shit-eating grin on his face, like he just got a note from his managers telling him that Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman are extending their confidentiality agreements.
"Second, in TV interviews, Tom laughs inappropriately and much too vociferously at non-humorous declarative statements, which is ironic because in real life he can't take a fucking joke at all.
"All you have to do is make one simple, little, harmless, innocuous aside like, 'The Scientology spaceship was late today; it had to stop in Fire Island to pick up Tom Cruise' and he has a pack of lawyers at your door faster than Katie Holmes can say 'No, really. He loves me in that way. I swear.' "
I bet even Tom's lawyers might giggle at that one.
And lest they think Joan is playing favorites, she happens to hate Nicole too.
The comic says the ex-Mrs. Cruise makes stupid movies like Cold Mountain and The Hours and absurdly became A-list for putting putty on her nose.
"My face is made of paraffin and chewing gum and that cunt wins an Oscar?"
Photo: David Shankbone/Wikipedia
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in New York, delivered to your inbox.