My Morning Beauty Regimen Revealed At Last
Not that you asked, but I splash warm water on my face, then generously rub St. Ives apricot facial scrub all over it as if it were a golden shower from heaven.
Fifteen fame-making minutes later, I shower it off, using the extremely pure and unscented Basis soap in tandem with Nivea face wash, my pores opening up like a reality star's privates after 15 too many energy drinks.
After completely drying my puss with Cottonelle, I rub in life-giving Vitamin E oil, which whittles away the years like an ax dipped in Botox, and then I blot it so I don't look as oily as Celine Dion all day.
The result may not have turned me into a supermodel, but I'd look way worse if I hadn't been doing this routine for ages.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in New York, delivered to your inbox.