My Weight-Conscious Version of "I Will Survive"

My Weight-Conscious Version of "I Will Survive"

"I Will Survive" was one of the landmark songs of the disco era--an anthem of defiance and strength in the face of one of those horrible men disco songs were always getting dramatic about.

Gloria Gaynor took that ditty to the top of the charts all over the globe with her powerful (yet extremely danceable) rendition.

Well, years ago, I did an act where I put padding under a large dress I wore, and called myself Gloria Gainmore. (True story.)

For mammary's sake, this is the version I sang of that classic song (one I just might be trotting out again in public very soon, so be careful what you wish for).

"I Will Survive"

By M. Musto

At first I was thin I was extremely thin Until the delivery boy with the anchovy pizza walked in And then I spent so many nights shoving pizza down my face And I grew big And honey, I learned to be a pig

And now you're back From outer space You just walked in to see me here with pizza dripping down my face I should have changed that stupid lock I should have thrown away the key 'Cause now the state of Oklahoma isn't half as big as me

Go on, now go My stomach's sore Just turn around now Don't want pizza anymore Ain't you the one who tried to hurt me with desire? You think I'd crumble For just one lousy pizza pie?

Oh no, not I I will survive Oh as long as I eat smaller portions, I will stay alive I've got all my life to eat, I got all my food to eat But I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart Kept trying hard to eat the pieces of that chocolate heart But then I spent so many nights feeling sorry for myself I used to cry When I ran out of pizza pie

And you see me Somebody new I ain't that chained up little person always saying "moo!" And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free But now I'm saving all my loving for a simple plate of brie

Go on, now go My stomach's sore Just turn around now Don't want pizza anymore Ain't you the one who tried to hurt me with desire? You think I'd crumble For just one lousy pizza pie?

Oh no, not I I will survive Oh as long as I eat smaller portions, I will stay alive I've got all my life to eat, I got all my food to eat But I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey


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