Notorious B.I.G.: Chopped and Screwed?

DEAR MISTER TOILET

Notorious B.I.G. tries to shake hands through your computer screen

Paul Wall to chop and screw Biggie

Late last night MTV.com reported that the Houston rapper Paul Wall has been in talks with Diddy to chop and screw Biggie's greatest hits, slowing them to the mudthick drawl as popularized by the late producer DJ Screw. "I think he's gonna go ahead and do it," adds Wall.

Secret Riff Raff sources also report that Wall has been "inventing" new remix techniques to introduce to the hip-hop production world. These revolutionary techniques, though still in development, will purportedly move the remix from "random dude jumping on a track" or "it's a remix because now you can dance to it" to something rap heads are already touting as the "Internet of Remixes."

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So what are they? Riff Raff has the gravy:

Chopped and Screwed and Diced: For his secret chopped-and-screwed-and-diced remix Wall not only slows a record down and re-chops the beats, but then he also "dices" it by piping in the sound Philly rapper Dice Raw getting punched in the butt.

Diced and Diced: The name says it all. For the Diced-and-Diced, Wall takes a previously CSnD'd vinyl, breaks it into tiny pieces, then sprinkles it into Dice Raw's eyes until Dice punches himself in the butt five times.

Advanced Diced and Diced: The remix game doesn't get more "advanced" than a bag of thirty-sided dice, which Paul Wall rolls AD&D-style to decide whether he should use his trademark sound of Dice Raw punching himself in the butt or the sound of comedian Andrew Dice Clay crying tears of joy as Wall awards him ten charisma points.

Riff'd and Raff'd: See you Monday.

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