Porn's Biggest Scumbag Meets Our Favorite Starlet!

History's rich with hero-villain pairings: Superman v. Lex Luthor, Christopher Reeve v. Stairs, Silver Surfer v. Diamond-Encrusted Platinum Surfer--I could go on. So I will: Add to that list Audrey Hollander (pic), my new favorite porn star, v. Khan Tusion, one of porn's biggest scumbags. In the past, I have fabricated some material in this blog. (In what I once described as “my second dirtiest dream ever,” Courtney Love did not actually shit “the sperm loads of 16 Hell's Angels onto a bearded lady's face while blowing a leprous sea lion and holding up a large moldy baguette smeared with sundried tomato cream cheese without her hands.” In fact, that dream never happened. The story is a composite of various fantasies I've had.) And indeed, I don't even have scene featuring both Hollander and Tusion to go on here (which is not to say one doesn't exist). But one “fact” remains: If Audrey were choking in Khan's dick or feeling his wiry little mustache on her butthole, she'd probably feel right at home. (You don't wanna see her apartment.) The worst of porn, in short, is not always easy to distinguish from the best.

Which brings us to Team Players #2 (DNA) and Throat Gaggers #6 (Red Light District). Team Players features Khan Tusion banging Naudia Nice (pic), Audrey Hollander giving some other guy her all, and the consummate ultra-cute geek-next-door Gen Padova (pic) slathering on the charm and slobber. Audrey spends most of her captivating scene ass-up, curly locks fanning across the floor. The hair was a clincher for me, since I've never much enjoyed the pretzel stand. Her charisma and looks could make any scene, but Khan--whatever the appeal of his non-abusive hardcore technique--cannot himself make a scene interesting under any circumstances. If he makes it anything, he makes it creepy--or at best, as with Naudia, provides a baseline of anonymous dick thrusting.

In Throat Gaggers, Audrey gives a revealing pre-mouth-fuck interview. Turns out she was a cheerleader in high school, and virgin until she was 17--previous to that, she admits to being a “prick tease.” Naturally, our interrogator segues into the scene by informing her that she's now about to repay her debt to the blue-balled of the world. Within seconds, there's flecks of spit on the camera lens--thanks in part to her husband Otto (cute pic of the happy couple), who according to an AVN interview I read just this moment, has a Masters in philosophy. You just can't make this shit up.

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