Return of the Anal Cream Pie!

Maybe I lead a sheltered life, but I haven't seen an anal cream pie in some time. In fact, the last time I remember giving them any thought at all, I wrote a column entitled Ban Anal Cream Pies! So I was a little taken aback when, in Let Off In Me (Black Ice), Hypnotiq takes one of these virus carriers for the double-team, getting front and back topped off. I suppose one expects a movie entitled Let Off In Me to go there, but still, they're not setting a very good example for the other rough-gonzo producers. And therein lies one's of porn's great and most obvious conundrums: How do you appreciate--or justify appreciating--a medium that will almost always, movie-to-movie, contain some bit of politically, morally, or bodily (if you will) reprehensible attitude or action. Even the mild couples flicks labor under the weight of our awareness that porn actresses often have some history of sexual abuse. So . . . yeah. Not really sure where to take it from here. Sorry to be a downer.

Anyhoo, Let Off In Me. Despite that most ominously charged of cream pies (as opposed to this hilarious one, featuring Bill Gates), the movie is actually rather good. There's even a song, rapped by stud Brian Pumper, who looks like Lloyd Banks, that's about "letting off" on the inside, and I don't mean prison. Now, internals aren't my favorite. There's something transgressively hot about them, of course, and having seen so many externals, there's also something weirdly mesmerizing about not quite witnessing one, knowing what's happening without any visual confirmation except perhaps for a twitch, or a sudden stillness. But inevitably, there must be visual confirmation, and even cream pie fans will agree, it ain't pretty--a cross between gynecological exam and watching oatmeal spill. Then there's the farting ("queafing," for my more genteel readers).

I suppose if you're type of person who looks into their tissue after a good nose honk, cream pies may be your thing. I appreciated the movie for its stars, particularly Candace Von and Kapri Styles. They don't do much that's special, exactly, other than giving fairly sloppy blowjobs and in general coming off game, even cheerful. Basically, Kapri's shock of hair made the whole thing for me. And no, I didn't look into the tissue afterwards.


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