The Couple Of The Year!
No, it wasn't Beyoncé and Jay-Z or Lindsay Lohan and the magistrate.
It was Buddy and Pedro, the hot-looking penguins at the Toronto zoo.
They were so in love when they were tragically forced to separate because of breeding season.
(Ridiculous! Couldn't they just adopt?)
But plans were then afoot to reunite the lovebirds. Aww! Happy times.
But hold on -- insiders feared that Buddy and Pedro might actually reject the reunion!
"Will they want to stay together after copulating and bonding with a female?" asked ABC News in a breaking report.
My crazy opinion here ... just hazarding a guess out of thin air ...
The next march of these penguins, I was certain, would surely be down the wedding aisle.
But horrid reality intervened.
Here's the update:
Buddy did end up doing some stuff with a female, under pressure. They forced him, probably via electroshock!
But Pedro couldn't seem to manage it, no matter how hard he tried.
And when the two former lovers were together again in adjacent nesting areas, they had a huge fight! All the love was gone, thanks to the intervention of zoological science.
See how the "ex-gay" thing just doesn't work?
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.