The World's Kinkiest Blowjobs!

For some reason, hangovers, like Christmas, make me horny. Right now I'm not doing so bad--just feeling a little weak and lazy after last night, when I drank three chilled vodka shots and perhaps 10 beers (admittedly mostly Amstel Lights); imminent bong hits should erase any lingering discomfort--but I haven't been able to stop thinking about sex all day. It's like how I sometimes feel after browsing Internet porn for too long. When I close my eyes, unconnected graphic images just start flashing. After a few moments, they coalesce into fantasies. (A friend who'd read my most recent post told me last night that if she didn't know me she'd think I was insane. Insane. Just because I'm crazy about porn? That seems unfair.) The unconnected images are really just a nuisance, mental static. But while I'll turn to porn when hornover, more often I let my overactive imagination produce some carefully tailored perversity. I suspect director Jake Malone is given over to such flights of fancy himself. The difference is, he actually, in Throat Gaggers #6 (Red Light District; cover), transfers these proclivities direct to video.

Malone likes his blowjobs kinky, which is actually something of an anomaly. The imposed dramatic structures of kink don't usually figure in BJ vids. Don't get me wrong--the women perform. But blow scenes are largely visceral and improvised, not rigidly controlled in the way, say, electric labial torture would be. In this Throat Gaggers and presumably others, Malone gives the scenes contexts, and works in stage-y flourishes. For that reason, and because he picked a remarkable cast, I've gotten more mileage out of this movie than any I've watched since starting this blog last year. The scene featuring Keiko (pic), a willowy white girl, is far and away my favorite. She comes into an office wearing fishnets underneath an oversize sport coat. Radiating pure girlish innocence with her hushed tones and downward glances, she submits herself to a classic domination scenario, full of yes-sirs and gggaaaarrrrgggguuuhhhhsss. Malone, sort of an ugly person, in both senses, is not my preferred stand-in, but he's so clearly turned on by Keiko that it's irresistibly infectious. And she could not be more perfect, working herself up into a full-on dripping wet steam. (We know because Malone does a dipstick in the midst of some spankings.)

The two bonus scenes (“extra pork,” in the vernacular), though decent, were better off edited out; one implausibly posits that the actress is the ex-wife of the surprise actor, and that he's there to exact deep-throat revenge for her taking the car and the house in their divorce--and this wildly icky premise still results in a scene totally devoid of danger. The principal scenes don't get any worse than that of Malorie Marx (pic), and that simply suffers from an over-reliance on the male eagerness. Gia Paloma (pic) looks so fabulous in her cute sweater I still haven't gotten deep into her scene. Smoking Eva Angelina (pic) also gets us off to a great start warming up for her first gag scene by watching the great Loni on a flat-screen, giving what looks to be a deliriously sloppy blow-out. Scarlet Owhora (best . . . name . . . ever) starts off in a tight red something, legs behind her head, sealed-off coochie foregrounded. Malone tells her she's the naughty British schoolgirl and he's the headmaster (or whatever). She sort of shrugs this off, but gamely follows his other instructions, which include keeping his dick in her mouth as he walks backwards and she stumbles along on her knees. I hesitate to call it insane, but without a doubt, this movie isn't exactly right.

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