The Worst Movies Of The Year: My Picks
Or let's just say my least favorites, since I didn't see everything, as hard as I tried.
Sorry, I thought this warrior-banished-to-earth romp didn't work on most levels. The action wasn't thrilling, the humor wasn't funny, and the whole thing seemed as silly as the outfits. But it made $181 million domestically, so what on earth do I know? Nothing!
Again, a letdown, especially since the big train wreck looked jumbled to me and the whole thing was a pale shadow of '80s stuff it was based on. (Did you ever think we'd look back on The Goonies as a towering achievement in comparison with anything?)
Cowboys & Aliens
It started strongly, but once they got into the action -- nonstop screechy attacks -- this film became unbearable, especially since it all seemed so random, with the creatures jumping out whenever the film needed another jolt. The whole thing was so nerve-wracking I started rooting for the aliens.
Everything Must Go
Including the movie! Good try for Will Ferrell in this adaptation of a Raymond Carver story about an alcoholic who loses his job and his wife and ends up living on his lawn. But the lack of pacing made for a threadbare nonevent that was like a yard sale with no merch. Dull and pointless. It actually came out last year, but it annoyed me so much I'm counting it for this year, too.
And finally, two movies I walked out on:
Machine Gun Preacher, with Gerald Butler as an ex-con who goes to Africa and finds banality. ("What do you guys do?" "We're freedom fighters!")
And Seven Days in Utopia, an inspiring Christian movie about golf that seemed way longer than seven days, even though I only stayed for 20 minutes.
But I wouldn't have changed a second of it. I live for bad movies!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.