Tom and Katie Blah Blah Blah: Here Are My Latest Ravings
I appeared on the Fox 5 news last night to give my blatherings on the latest round of TomKat gossip, providing the following illustrious quotes:
*"Katie knew this was a Scientology marriage. Of course she may have found it more oppressive than it sounded on paper. So I'm not surprised she's gone back to Catholicism. I think her mother will be very happy!"
*"It's been seven years since Tom started the couch jumping excitement. So it's either a seven-year itch or a seven-year arrangement. Or [looking faux-beatific] it's simply true love that went awry!"
I also told them:
*"Many people in unhappy arrangements use secret or disposable cell phones. I'm surprised Tom didn't pick through her trash to find it!"
*As for the gossip report that Katie called Nicole Kidman for advice:
"I'm sure they've both signed so many nondisclosure forms that when Nicole picked up the phone, she could only say the same thing Katie's been saying over and over: 'No comment'."
*And finally, I noted that Katie went from being the poster child for signing into some off kilter arrangement to being the poster child for female independence.
I love show biz!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.