Was There Really a 'Sixth Beatle'?

WITH NO EFFIN TEETH

Curtain call Photo: Buddyhead

Korn Caught Using 'Secret' Guitarist

According to the gossip section at Buddyhead and this very photo, heavy metal band Korn use a "secret" additional guitarist, whom they hide behind a curtain during the show. The discovery happened as follows:

these dudes had been used to playing their own shows recently, and weren’t counting on the fact that at the KROQ “Almost, not really acoustic at all, we should’ve changed the name of this stupid thing years ago, Christmas” there would be 8 million people backstage able to clearly see that the band had another dude playing guitar behind a curtain.... The funny part was how the secret dude still made nu-metal faces while he played… check it out.

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What are some other bands who have employed secret members? Here are five I know for sure:

The Beatles. Since the Beatles' inception, fans have suspected that the band kept a separate drummer in the back to "support" Ringo Starr, by many estimations the worst Beatle and a not-so-great musician. Turns out fans were half-right: Besides the Fifth Beatle that everybody already knows about (Lou Reed), reportedly the Beatles brought on tour a session drummer--the elusive Sixth Beatle--to keep time for Ringo on the more difficult numbers, but they also brought an even more elusive Seventh Beatle, whose sole responsibility was to eat Ringo's sandwiches.

Merzbow. By now even old guys joke how laptop musicians aren't really doing anything on stage, just checking their email and sending IMs. For Merzbow, far from the truth. In fact, not only is he actually performing, but the noise artist also has a person (Secret Merzbow) off-stage at a nearby Starbucks to check his emails and impersonate him on message boards. Additionally, some of the more successful laptop artists will hire session laptoppers to scour Craigslists looking for funny/humorous missed connections.

William Hung. American Idol's winningest loser could have been a great singer if, before his first performance, he hadn't been moved to tears by the sight of Idol judge Simon Cowell behind the curtain, admitting to Paul Abdul that he was secretly the cartoon character in the video for "Opposites Attract."

Tony Yayo. No surprise I guess, but the G-Unit rapper never takes the stage without leaving an extra bucket hat behind a curtain. The hat doesn't necessarily do anything, but its presence gives Yayo additional confidence.

Wolf Eyes. Considered by some to promote violence, Wolf Eyes know that their harsh, malevolent sound needs a pleasant, good-natured foil happening alongside. Which is why at every Wolf Eyes show, behind a curtain is a young child singing Happy Birthday to herself, blowing out the candles, then re-lighting and starting all over again. She is not happy, and it isn't her birthday, but she knows her responsibilities.

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