What Are The Loudest Arguments Against Gay Marriage?
Let me detail the most often heard ones, along with the reasons they're as moronic as a hooker in a monastery.
*Gay marriage is against the bible. It is? You mean there's really a passage in the holy book that says, "If gays try to wed, then stay home and watch Lost instead"? Well, there are a LOT of things in the bible and you naysayers never seem to heed THEM. Why are you suddenly so devout and literal minded? Bored much?
*It'll destroy the sanctity of straight marriage. No, darlings, that's already been quite shattered, and you only have yourselves to blame for that. YOU have long desecrated marriage by cheating and lying and bringing unwanted children into the world and divorcing up a storm, only to start it all up again and again. How would two consensual adults tying the knot destroy the sanctity of anything that hasn't already been liberally pissed on for centuries?
*It'll turn people gay. If it could actually do that, it would be OK with me, but in reality, no mere law can actually turn people gay (unless they legalize free tickets for Liza concerts). If what you really mean is "It'll encourage gays to be honest, come out of the closet, and lead healthier, happier lives," then you're getting warmer.
*What next--people and animals?. No, dummos. We're not pushing for that and you know it. Gays are human, remember? Unlike some of YOU pig fuckers!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.