What I Learned at Beige Last Night... Simon Cowell Has a Small Pecker?

World Famous *BOB* photo by Cary Conover

Downtown superstars the World Famous *BOB* and Dirty Martini are going on a 39-city, multi-booby tour with the controversial Sex Workers' Art Show. . .

Egyptian-born drag queen Sultana, who works at Tiffany's by day, pops up as a man with a bellyache in a commercial for Tums which airs during Oprah all the time. (He shot some extra work for the Sex and the City movie too). . .

Celeb photographer Patrick McMullan's next book, hot off Glamour Girls, will be one of bodaciously cute guys, even some smart ones. . .

Probably not in it will be Simon Cowell, whom disgruntled American Idol personality Ian Benardo swore to me is small of penis, having seen Simon whip it out at a Chelsea Piers bathroom during auditions last year. (Yeah, but he's definitely big of balls. Paula, your reaction?). . .

And finally, having taken in all this stuff about breasts, tummies, abs, and ding dongs, the MAIN thing I learned at Beige last night is that when promoter Erich Conrad is away in Mexico, I can't even get a free fucking Sprite!

This week's La Dolce Musto: "Oscar Predictions Filled With Greed and Vengeance!"

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