When Someone Waves You Over...
... make sure you stay as immobile as a Republican in a bathroom stall when a cop walks into the room.
Even if the waver looks like the above chesty dude.
For years, I've had a steadfast rule that people who beckon you over as if you were a dog don't deserve any response whatsoever.
Their arrogance is usually an indication of something creepy they're waving you over to say to you with such beady-eyed urgency.
If they had any common courtesy at all, they'd simply walk over to you, rather than summon you like a slave.
But I totally dropped my rule when I was out of town recently, in a bar where people are generally so friendly I thought it wouldn't be a problem.
I had just co-hosted a gala film night in that neck of the woods and thought it had gone pretty well despite some mishaps, so I was in a beaming mood.
And when the man (a toad on a stool, by the way) frantically waved me over, I acquiesced.
I pushed my way toward his lumpy personage, then batted my eyes and said, "Yes?"
"That whole night tonight?" he intoned.
"Yes?" I cooed, still enthralled.
"The whole thing sucked shit," he oozed, spitting tacks (and tactlessness).
I should have peed on his leg.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in New York, delivered to your inbox.