When Someone Waves You Over...

... make sure you stay as immobile as a Republican in a bathroom stall when a cop walks into the room.

Even if the waver looks like the above chesty dude.

For years, I've had a steadfast rule that people who beckon you over as if you were a dog don't deserve any response whatsoever.

Their arrogance is usually an indication of something creepy they're waving you over to say to you with such beady-eyed urgency.

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If they had any common courtesy at all, they'd simply walk over to you, rather than summon you like a slave.

But I totally dropped my rule when I was out of town recently, in a bar where people are generally so friendly I thought it wouldn't be a problem.

I had just co-hosted a gala film night in that neck of the woods and thought it had gone pretty well despite some mishaps, so I was in a beaming mood.

And when the man (a toad on a stool, by the way) frantically waved me over, I acquiesced.

I pushed my way toward his lumpy personage, then batted my eyes and said, "Yes?"

"That whole night tonight?" he intoned.

"Yes?" I cooed, still enthralled.

"The whole thing sucked shit," he oozed, spitting tacks (and tactlessness).

I should have peed on his leg.

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