'You Gotta Get A Gimmick' Rewritten By Me!

'You Gotta Get A Gimmick' Rewritten By Me!

I have a lot of free time, folks, so I've sat down and retooled "You Gotta Get a Gimmick" from Gypsy as if it were sung by Lana Turner, Rita Hayworth, and Ava Gardner to rising starlet Kim Novak back in the 1950s.

Before you call the men with the white suits, check out this theater queen flight of fancy and see if it deserves a Broadway production -- or at least dinner theater.

Here goes:

"YOU GOTTA GET A GIMMICK" (1950s Hollywood remix)

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LANA TURNER:

You can act, you can act, you can act, act, act That doesn't make you rich I can't act, I can't act, I can't act, act, act But I'm quite a sexy bitch

You will look much better If you wear a sweater It's a revolution in breasts

Cause if you wear a sweater You'll be passing your screen tests

RITA HAYWORTH:

You can oomph, you can oomph, you can oomph, oomph, oomph That's how burlesque was born But I oomph and I oomph and I oomph, oomph, oomph As if I'm in Spanish porn

I am so Hispanic And I dance real manic I never have to sweat to get laid

So don't be in a panic You will never play a maid

AVA GARDNER:

Me I uh, me I uh, me I uh, uh, uh That doesn't spell success So I uh and I uh any man on earth Who's a total mess

Dressy wessy Ava Is doing you a favor By telling you you have to date trolls

Cause if you schtup an asshole Kimmie girl you'll reach your goals

ALL THREE:

You're more than just a mimic When you got a gimmick Take a look how different we are

Date someone ugly, anyone that's ugly...

You'll look much better if you wear a sweater...

Be muy Hispanic, dancing very manic...

Get yourself a gimmick and you -- too --

Can be a star!

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