'You Gotta Get A Gimmick' Rewritten By Me!
I have a lot of free time, folks, so I've sat down and retooled "You Gotta Get a Gimmick" from Gypsy as if it were sung by Lana Turner, Rita Hayworth, and Ava Gardner to rising starlet Kim Novak back in the 1950s.
Before you call the men with the white suits, check out this theater queen flight of fancy and see if it deserves a Broadway production -- or at least dinner theater.
"YOU GOTTA GET A GIMMICK" (1950s Hollywood remix)
You can act, you can act, you can act, act, act That doesn't make you rich I can't act, I can't act, I can't act, act, act But I'm quite a sexy bitch
You will look much better If you wear a sweater It's a revolution in breasts
Cause if you wear a sweater You'll be passing your screen tests
You can oomph, you can oomph, you can oomph, oomph, oomph That's how burlesque was born But I oomph and I oomph and I oomph, oomph, oomph As if I'm in Spanish porn
I am so Hispanic And I dance real manic I never have to sweat to get laid
So don't be in a panic You will never play a maid
Me I uh, me I uh, me I uh, uh, uh That doesn't spell success So I uh and I uh any man on earth Who's a total mess
Dressy wessy Ava Is doing you a favor By telling you you have to date trolls
Cause if you schtup an asshole Kimmie girl you'll reach your goals
You're more than just a mimic When you got a gimmick Take a look how different we are
Date someone ugly, anyone that's ugly...
You'll look much better if you wear a sweater...
Be muy Hispanic, dancing very manic...
Get yourself a gimmick and you -- too --
Can be a star!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.