village voice
Podcasts «
RSS/Podcast feed for Village Voice News Status Ain't Hood
Pine-Sol Lookin' Boy
Gallery «

Superhero Fashion
by Sam Horine
» more galleries
NYC Guide «

New Nigerian Rocks on Hendrix in East New York
by Robert Sietsema
• best of nyc
• eats
• drinks
• shopping
• film
• music
• events
• home
Promotions «
Saints, Sinners, Obsession, and Seduction
Enter to win a Jennifer Jones and Charles Boyer Film Society of Lincoln Center series pass!
Lit Lounge
Enter for complimentary admission to see Power Solo from Denmark with Band Antenna, Sea That Dried Up, and Chem Trail at Lit Lounge!
Rasputin
Enter to win dinner and drinks for two at Rasputin Restaurant and Cabaret!
DeVotchKa
Enter to win tickets to see DeVotchKa on Tuesday, May 20th at Terminal 5!
United Artists
Enter to win a 90th Anniversary United Artists DVD prize package!
Iron & Silk
Enter to win 5 personal training sessions at Iron & Silk Fitness!
Film
Tracking Shots
The Hottie and the Nottie
by Nathan Lee
January 29th, 2008 12:00 AM
The Hottie and the Nottie
Directed by Tom Putnam
Regent Releasing, opens February 8
Crass, shrill, disingenuous, tawdry, mean-spirited, vulgar, idiotic, boring, slapdash, half-assed, and very, very unfunny, The Hottie and the Nottie stars Paris Hilton as . . . But really, need I go on? [Ed.: A little, yes.] OK, fine: Hilton stars as monosyllabic event-planner Cristabelle Abbott, "the hottest woman in Los Angeles" and absurd object of desire for Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore), an unemployed, unsympathetic asshole. Scripted by Heidi Ferrer and shat onscreen by director Tom Putnam, this strong contender for The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen follows Nate's attempt to woo the "hottie" while suffering the rancid foot fungus, oozing facial blisters, and hideous tooth decay of her best friend, June Phigg (Christine Lakin). Which leads to such hilarious antics as the yoga-class mishap in which Nate, inching his nose into Cristabel's downward- dogging, spandex-clad ass, gets a whiff of Phiggian foot funk instead. Guffaw! Bonus point for Hilton's straight-faced delivery of the sentence: "Do you think I'm a pod person?" Unfortunately, I'll have to take it right back for the inclusion of Randy, a retarded albino stalker.
More Tracking Shots
Flash Point's Phony Gravitas
Almost fun when it plays dumb

Never Back Down: Better Than It Needs to Be
Throwdown would be proud

Horton Hears a Who!'s Blessed Reverence
Seuss, somehow not fucked up

Wetlands Preserved: An Appropriately Mellow Chronicle
No good nostalgia for a Tribeca hippie nightclub

Towards Darkness: The Bourne Opprobrium
Third-world kidnapping scourge as action-movie grist
Add a Comment

Not ? Login as a different user.

All reader comments are subject to our Terms of Use. By submitting a comment, you acknowledge that you have reviewed and agree to these Terms of Use.

Login or Register

Login or register to have a chance to win Free Stuff, subscribe to newsletters and much more!

Login Register
Village Voice E-mail Sign Up «
  • the weekly villagevoice.com
  • the weekly freebies and special offers
  • the daily "what to do in NYC" e-mail
  • information on the performing arts

The Village Voice Ad Index
The Village Voice Summer 2008 Education Supplement

» click here to see more...

The Village Voice Spring Arts Supplement

» click here to see more...