'Mini's First Time'
Remember when the presence of Alec Baldwin and Jeff Goldblum was a decent guarantee of a pretty good movie? It's been a while. Here, they both play second fiddle to the omnipresent voiceover narration and bikini-clad bod of Thirteen's Nikki Reed, reprising her shtick as a dangerous delinquent, here determined to undertake as many different first-time experiences as possible, including murder. Reed's Mini is the latchkey kid of Hollywood failures, with a mom (Carrie-Anne Moss, reprising her Chumscrubber role) who drinks herself into oblivion and a stepfather (Baldwin) who hires hookers. When Mini herself turns to tricks, a coincidental meeting turns her stepdad into her lover. Mini is impossible to like, especially since she delivers some of the worst narration ever spoken, and her final lines are like a big middle finger to viewers foolish enough to enjoy the film. Only Goldblum, as a creepy neighbor, commands any attention, with bits that feel like they were completely improvised, or brought in from a different story.
Get the Film & TV Newsletter
Stay up to date on the best new movies with our critics' latest reviews, interviews and trailers for the films coming to a theater near you each week.
More Film News
- Scott Adkins Plays a Badass Actually Named ‘Colt McReady’ In the Effective ‘Close Range’
- Meet the Pole Who Tried to Warn the World About the Holocaust in ‘Karski & the Lords...
- Jane Fonda Faced Down the Seventies and a Killer in Pakula’s Masterful ‘Klute’
- He’ll Get Your Head Shaking: Surveying the Start of Chung Mong-hong’s (Likely) Great...