The Baytown Outlaws
It's redneck killers for hire versus stripper assassins, African-American pirates, and Native American warriors—all hired by a Latino drug kingpin played by, of all people, Billy Bob Thornton—in The Baytown Outlaws, a stew of cartoon stereotypes, violence, and "Freebird" cast in a skuzzy Sons of Anarchy mold. Hired by fetching Celeste (Eva Longoria) to recover her disabled godson Rob (Thomas Brodie-Sangster) from her ex Carlos (Thornton), the Oodie Brothers—cocky leader Brick (Clayne Crawford), mute goliath Lincoln (Daniel Cudmore), and idiot McQueen (Travis Fimmel)—quickly find themselves fending off the aforementioned oddballs in gratuitously nasty skirmishes. Despite hailing from a KKK lineage and sporting a Confederate flag T-shirt, Brick espouses sympathy for illegal immigrants and teaches McQueen compassion for Rob, with whom McQueen bonds in scenes that detour into laughable sentimentality. The antiheroes' relationship to their crooked sheriff employer (Andre Braugher) and his trouble with an ATF agent (Paul Wesley) further complicate the diligently profane and inane proceedings. The Oodies' bluster and bathos are intentionally corny B-movie poses, but their badassness is undercut by plotting so weak that every murderer after them has to be thoroughly incompetent.
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