Stuff You Need to Know About to Avoid Ostracism
ERRANT BODY LANGUAGE
John Cougar Mellencamp's habit of lifting his acoustic guitar over his head mid-strum to indicate enthusiasm and virility. Not working.
THIS SONG WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Incidentally, if we hear that terrible "Our Country" song/commercial once more we're moving to North Korea. It's enough to scare you off televised sports forever.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR THIS WEEK
John Legend's sadly toothless r&b-lite jamz on Once Again. Like awkward, tepid, deeply unsatisfying sex in a Starbucks bathroom.
Another lousy-ass flop of a Janet Jackson record.
Go back and listen to the nigh-unstoppable Control (1986) for context on what a fucking travesty this is.
ILL-ADVISED PUBLIC BEHAVIOR
Jared Leto now roughing up music bloggers for some reason. It's a VH1 show come to life.
The Killers deign to insult puppies, apple pie, premarital sex, the Constitution, and their own mothers in desperate plea for attention.
Eating a $20 plate of fried chicken at S.O.B.'s while watching a heartbreaking documentary about the plight of the quite literally named Sierra Leone Refugee All-Stars.
You get to feeling like they named the venue just for you.
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