Ten Headlines You Will Never Read After SXSW
"SXSW Attendee Doesn't Want That Free Beer"
1. "Random Guy With Guitar On Street Signed To Major Record Label"
2. "AT&T Makes Up For Past SXSW Coverage With Zero Dropped Calls, Lightning-Fast Connection"
3. "Wristband Holders Have Nothing But Love And Respect For Badge Holders"
4. "Acquaintance Who Says, 'Sorry I Missed Your Show' Actually Means It"
5. "Area Man Holding 'Free Hugs' Sign Gets Tons Of Out-Of-Town Pussy"
6. "Hotel Mini-Bar Left Untouched"
7. "Hipster Tweets About Meeting Obscure Bands, Doesn't Annoy Followers"
8. "MySpace 'Secret' Show Stays Secret"
9. "All Bathroom Stalls at Vice After-Party Only Have One Occupant"
10. "Waiting in 300-Person Line Best Decision Ohio Man's Ever Made"
Bonus: "Relationship at Home Remains Unthreatened by Conversation With Hot Swedish Guitar Player"
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