The 50 Worst Songs of the '00s, F2K No. 39: Aubrey O'Day Feat. Roscoe Umali, "Never Fallin'"
F2K is a countdown of the 50 worst songs of the decade. The complete list is here.
A New Order-biting track from an ever-fameballing pop starlet that will make you get down on your knees and pray... that she decides to make a career change.
Former Danity Kane member Aubrey O'Day's "Never Fallin'" first attracted attention from these quarters for its persecution-complex reworking of the chorus to New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle", in which the falling in the chorus was observed by people who got down on their knees to... hate. (Isn't that sort of thing better done standing up and looming over its target?) Yes, apparently even Jesus didn't have it as bad as the Making The Band-spawned O'Day, despite her claims to reporters that she's in on the joke most of the time.
"Never Fallin'" is little more than an excuse for O'Day to show off the way she behaves on '80s Night at the local club, with her flailing about the hordes of people who live to despise her as a slightly pitched-up version of New Order's iconic beat pulses behind her. There's only one verse, but it certainly does a lot: Aubrey directly addresses her "haters" in six-ish lines that manage to work in a TMZ shout-out, a reference to her airbrushed-til-2054 Playboy spread, and a grasp of meter that's so whacked-out, you start to wonder if she's actually some sort of avant-garde poet, working in something called "iambic bimbometer." This, in particular, is breathtaking:
"But hey if you really knew what went down
Saying that I-I-I get around
My 15 minutes
But you ain't even had one whole minute
I have to get it off my chest
All real when it comes to my chest
You can ask Big Hef
This girl keeps it real"
For the record, her "haters" actually get about three minutes and 46 seconds. Sorry, Aub! Better luck next time?
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