The Approved 4th of July Playlist for Real Americans
This 4th of July weekend, when you're throwing your dogs and your burgs and your watermelons and your corns and your sausages and your Budweisers on the grill, someone at some point is going to pop some tunes on the old jambox to really get the Que cranked to 11. But, given the importance of the weekend to anyone who cares about true independence, only certain artists are appropriate to play. Here now is the approved 4th of July playlist for real Americans. Play anything else and risk deportation.
Anything by Creedence Duh
Anything by Fogerty Duh
Anything Bruce Except "Born in the USA," duh.
Anything Bon Jovi Duh
Bon Iver Only after everyone's had their fifth plate of Que and is reaaal tired.
John Bonham Only his drum solo on "Moby Dick"
Bon Scott-era AC/DC But only the Bonfire box set.
Anything by Thin Lizzy Duh.
Avicii Only "Hey Brother" duh.
No One on This List Duh.
Or This One Duh.
Yellow Tears Duh.
Hank Jr., not Sr. And no III. Duh.
Van Halen But no Van Hagar until you've had at least four strong Cabo Wabo margs, duh.
Anything you can think of with the word "America" in it, duh...
VIOLENT FEMMES AMERICAN MUSIC
NEIL DIAMOND COMING TO AMERICA
BIKINI KILL REJECT ALL AMERICAN
ANIMANIACS THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES
MELT BANANA SURFIN' USA
BLONDIE FRENCH KISSING IN THE USA
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE AMERICAN EYES
BLUR LOOK INSIDE AMERICA
NIRVANA FOURTH OF JULY
MC5 BACK IN THE USA
2 LIVE CREW BANNED IN THE USA
MISFITS AMERICAN PSYCHO
KIM WILDE KIDS IN AMERICA
JAMES BROWN LIVING IN AMERICA
GALAXIE 500 FOURTH OF JULY
JOHN COUGAR MELLANCAMP R.O.C.K. IN THE USA
TOM PETTY AMERICAN GIRL
LIAM LYNCH UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER
JIMMY BUFFET AMERICAN PIE
SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK FIFTY NIFTY UNITED STATES
That's it. That's all you can play.
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