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The Completely Real, Totally Not Fake Deleted Destiny's Child Scenes From Beyoncé's HBO Doc

The Completely Real, Totally Not Fake Deleted Destiny's Child Scenes From Beyoncé's HBO Doc

On Saturday, HBO premiered a Beyoncé biopic that starred Beyoncé and was directed by Beyoncé and produced by Beyoncé and created by Beyoncé and received the approval of the universe by Beyoncé. But this story isn't about Beyoncé. It is about something Beyoncé purposely omitted from her HBO special-- the true fate of Destiny's Child. The following very real, totally not fake transcripts of deleted footage obtained by SOTC reveals Destiny's Children have been locked away in the sprawling attic above Beyoncé's New York mansion for six years. This is their story. For them, life is anything but a dream.

See also: Justin Timberlake! Destiny's Child! My Bloody Valentine!: The Week of Triumphant Returns

With the last Destiny's Child concert behind them and a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame firmly in place, Beyoncé extended an invitation to band mates Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams to reside with her in her mansion in 2006. She promised a drama-free space where each could pursue solo careers while reveling in the sisterly love that they had established over the years. Kelly and Michelle accepted the invitation, seeing it as an opportunity to rise from the ashes Beyoncé and her father had left behind.

Chapter Two: Cater 2 U

A year passed. Beyoncé kept her promise to Kelly and Michelle -- she let them live with her rent-free, release their own albums, and even suggested they reunite to perform a song at the 2007 BET Awards. It went spectacularly. But the happiness was short lived.

In the early morning hours after the 2007 BET Awards aired, Mathew Knowles banged loudly on the front door of Beyoncé's mansion. He did not know that the other Destiny's Children were alive -- much less that they were living in the same home as Destiny's True Child. He was enraged, and, after a long argument, succeeded in convincing Beyoncé to be stricter with the Children. Much stricter.

The next morning, Beyoncé told Kelly and Michelle she wanted to give them the nicest room in the mansion after all of their hard work over the past year. Naturally, Kelly and Michelle were suspicious -- the nicest things in the world were for the Beyoncés, not for the Kellys and Michelles. But blinded by their newly-found confidence, the two packed their belongings and traveled upstairs.

See also: Kelly Rowland's Ms. Kelly

Beyond the door at the top of the stairs was utter darkness. Perplexed but not yet concerned, Kelly fumbled for a light switch. A single bulb flickered and exposed the former Destiny's Child members LaTavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett, and Farrah Franklin chained to a radiator.

Kelly let out a scream. Michelle stared mutely. Beyoncé slammed the door. It locked.

 

Chapter Three: Say My Name

Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams spent most of 2008 trying to remember LaTavia, LeToya, and Farrah's names. Latavia, LeToya, and Farrah spent most of 2008 trying to unchain themselves from the radiator. Beyoncé married Jay-Z and forgot about Destiny's Children in the Attic.

Chapter Four: Crazy in Love

In 2009, Beyoncé remembered. She rushed upstairs to find the super-bored but otherwise-okay Destiny's Children. She provided them with food and water and genuine side-hugs. But she knew iit was impossible for her to keep visiting the attic without rousing suspicion from Jay-Z. She renovated.

She transformed the wood-paneled attic-abyss of Beyoncé records and stage props and weaves into a gold-pleated abyss of Beyoncé records and stage props and weaves. It was the Beyoncé Vault. It would house all things Beyoncé 'til the end of time and beyond. And it would provide her the excuse she needed to retreat to the attic on a regular basis -- alone.

After unchaining LaTavia, LeToya, and Farrah from the radiator and giving them nametags, Beyoncé relocated all of Destiny's Children to a concealed dormitory in the vault. She assigned each specific tasks related to the collection, archival, and sorting of Beyoncé paraphernalia. They were each given computers, but were only allowed to use Google Image Search: Beyoncé. It was a devastating but oft-pleasurable life.

The dreariness continued uninterrupted until a holiday visit to the mansion by Solange Knowles. Solange sensed something amiss in the life of her older sister, for it was her job to await the downfall of the Queen. Solange wandered upstairs and found Destiny's Children alone in the Beyoncé Vault. Solange was terrified, but her fright quickly turned to rage at the fact that she hadn't been offered the role of enslaved vault-keeper first. Solange pretended to befriend Destiny's Children and promised to release them from their bondage. As a sign of good faith, she brought them Christmas cookies. But they were doused in Beyoncé's personal peroxide. It was extra strength.

See also: Solange - Bowery Ballroom - 12/18

LaTavia, LeToya, and Farrah ate the cookies and died. Solange froze their bodies and placed them in the "Girls Tyme/Early Destiny's Child" section of the Beyoncé Vault. Kelly and Michelle did not notice. Two more years passed.

 

Chapter Five: Soldier

Instead of the 2012 Apocalypse, Blue Ivy Carter was born. With a new maternal outlook, Beyoncé began training her legacy to maintain the status quo of number-one-bitchdom for the Knowles-Carter bloodline.

In between the crippling emotional beat-downs and dance-offs served by Blue Ivy Carter, Kelly and Michelle concocted a plan to escape. They were to dig a tunnel from beneath Beyoncé's mansion that stretched to the Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana- - the location Beyoncé was set to perform the Super Bowl Half Time Show the following year.

Chapter Six: Survivor

But by 2013, Kelly and Michelle had little hope left. The tunnel was taking a long time to dig. They hadn't sung a note or written a lyric or contributed to pop culture in any significant way in years. But Blue Ivy Carter grew stronger and wiser and more demonic each day. It was only a matter of time before she started Tumblr-ing their torment. Her eyes sparkled with blood lust, and it was this lust that motivated them to dig further and further and further, until finally...

The tunnel was completed.

And as if supported by the Illuminati themselves, Kelly and Michelle were catapulted up through holes in the stage in their tattered leather clothes during Beyoncé's Half Time Show performance.

Realizing that her secure vault-attic had failed, Beyoncé chose to pretend the inclusion of Kelly and Michelle in the Half Time Show performance was expected. She playfully dismissed them off stage after allowing them to lip-synch to some of her greatest hits -- for old-times' sake.

But in her banter, there was fear and sadness. The only people who ever really mattered to her, the only people truly responsible for getting her to where she is today, were fleeing from her life. She felt tears well up in her eyes. Her voice (almost) cracked. Every fiber in her being wanted to cry out for them to come back, to take their rightful places at her side.

But then her Beyoncé-shaped stage grew Beyoncé-shaped hair and Beyonce forgot all about that basic bitch emotional shit.

So anyway, Kelly Rowland showed up to The Grammy's last week looking sexy as fuck. The current whereabouts of Michelle Williams are unknown. The only remnants of their lost years in Beyoncé's attic are confined in this blog post. HBO and Beyoncé will probably have this truth removed, so Left Click + Save As this piece.

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