This Show Needs to End: Watching MTV's The City

May a fiery inferno consume all of these terrible people
May a fiery inferno consume all of these terrible people

Poor Whitney, when is this girl going to get it? Lesson number one: when MTV is around, you can't trust anyone, especially not boyfriends with pseudo names or socialite coworkers. It seems The City's Aussie hipster and New York social have a lot more in common than they think: they've both been placed inside these fishbowl confines to do battle with Whitney's essential vacancy, using only their highly-effective and God-given abilities to be endlessly cruel to other human beings.

In this episode, Whitney gets bitch-slapped worse than Melissa did on The Bachelor last night. The first blow came at DVF. It turns out that, aside from sorting RSVPs, Olivia and Whitney actually work. Tasks include: shit talking, throwing blank stares, and deciding where to go for lunch. This time, however, the girls were given a more pressing assignment: pulling various DVF outfits for an Elle cover featuring another untalented beauty, Jessica Alba.

Whitney selects a floral jacket and skirt, a complete contrast from Olivia's choice--a transparent sequined silver dress. Olivia, projecting her Project Runway persona, calls Whitney's pick "too matchy-matchy," but abides and leaves it as an option. The two are later informed that the winning cover look is indeed one Olivia so calmly disparaged, but then, tragically, when asked who chose the outfit, Olivia says without hesitation that she did. Whitney stands there stupefied. The chorus of Olivia praise intensifies at a celebratory luncheon, and Whitney looks as if she's going to pass out.

While at dinner, Whitney turns to her boyfriend for support, and begins to discuss her trying times at work. Jay, unintentionally sporting bed-head, doesn't give a fuck. Whitney shifts topics and reminds him of his two-week deadline to move out. "I've never lived with a guy before, and I don't want this to be like it was forced upon us," she tells him, waking up to the parasite that is her beloved.

The next evening Jay and Adam lurk about some other club and discuss their girlfriend tribulations. Adam asks Jay what it's like to live with Whitney. "I don't need to take her out," Jay says, laughing, "but lets stop talking about our girlfriends." Perfect timing as Miss Dani Club-Goer is there yet again. After small talk, Jay and Dani leave the club.

Allie, donning a new Elvira look, finally gets a turn to give someone else bad news and informs Whitney about Jay's late-night visitor. Whitney sheds a tear. Amen.


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