Best Actress

Philip Seymour Hoffman presents the Best Actress trophy to…Penelope Cruz in Volver! Fabulous! Look at how totally honored she is. This is definitely the highlight of the night. OK, now here she goes to accept her award. That dress! That accent! Divine. Cut to Pedro beaming in the crowd. Great moment. And now she’s saying something in Spanish. Cut to Guillermo Del Torro, Alfonso Cuaron, and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu all sitting together,stunned in joy. A magic moment. History is made. Ms. Cruz is as elegant, graceful, and humble as can be as she glides from the stage…

Just kidding. It’s Helen Mirren.

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