Big Win for Satan: Heavy Metal Addict Wins Disability Benefits

If you think your union's solid, think again. Satan's apparently in the labor law business these days, and he's making your lawyer look like My Cousin Vinny.

A 42 year-old Swedish dishwasher named Roger Tullgren was determined by psychologists to be addicted to heavy metal, and thus, given permission to listen to loud music at work, and also, disability.

According to Swedish online newspaper The Local, Tullgren first developed an interest in heavy metal when his older brother bought a Black Sabbath album in 1971. Since then, Tullgren is a classic (albeit softly spoken) heavy metal head with tattoos and skull and crossbones jewelery. Last year he attended almost 300 heavy metal shows, while playing bass and guitar in two rock bands, including Silverland.

Sweden's sex addicts, alcoholics, gambling addicts, video game addicts, Ikea addicts, Swedish Fish addicts, and Elderflower addicts have yet to be reached for comment, probably because they're lining up for social services as you read this. Really though, brilliant idea. Just get the government to pay to make heavy metal go away! On the other hand, kind of depressing, because no matter what sad state this guy would be in here, we laugh at him, because the idea of considering outwardly compassionate disability benefits -- even if they're invalid, or silly, or ridiculous -- is just so, so beyond comprehension, for better or for worse, but mostly worse.

Nu-metal addicts, however, different story. I think we could get some Americans to pony up if we could ensure Limp Bizkit never, ever, ever reunites. Ever. Ev-ar.


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