Bill de Blasio Courts the Youngins With a Throwback Photo [PHOTO]

Hi, can I grab this seat next to you? This coffee shop is always so full! Wait, do I know you? You look so familiar, I just can't put my finger on it. Oh, you're Bill de Blasio from the '80s! Sorry, I had you confused for every white hipster I've ever met. That's your target demo, huh? That's something.

Going to any shows this weekend, '80s Bill de Blasio? Oh, never mind. I just saw 11 tabs on your browser open to music blogs, so I just figured ...

You seem cool, '80s Bill de Blasio; I can tell by the ratio of fixed gear bike to chest hair. Oh, wow! You have a lot of opinions on city politics and real estate. You must be a native! Oh, you moved here from New Haven last month?

If you're interested, '80s Bill de Blasio, my friends and I have a zine we're working on, if you're care about the boundaries of form. Well, I wouldn't say regularly. We publish when we feel cultural discourse can bear it. It's a radical intervention, you know? Of course you do. You're in? Great!

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So there's this great beer bar up the street from--you brew your own! You'll have to have me over to your uninsulated loft to try some some time.

Hey '80s Bill de Blasio, you're my kind of guy. I won't vote for you because I won't be born for another five years, but let's get some coffee next week. The place down the block makes awesome espresso. This place is shit. It's not even single-source fair trade.

Send your story tips to the author, Raillan Brooks.

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