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Blind Items! Blind Items! Blind Items!

Who's shtupping who? The usual suspects.
Jason Levesque

Which rock-star survivor is in a relationship with that weird lady mainly because she helps hook him up with younger women? Which Oscar-nominated Brit with a large penis is basically a leather queen who cuts quite a swath in his head-to-toe biker drag? Which enduring TV star is a big lesbian, the public love of her life having actually been a closeted queen who routinely hired hustlers? Which superstar has been known to pretend to play guitar in concert, usually with his back to the audience? Which longtime screen villain is a baddie in real life, too, absolutely horrendous to work with, according to all reports?

Which still-working '80s actress recently redid her whole face except for her mouth, and it looks a tad middle-period Picasso? Which famous married lady who does music on the side is unsurprisingly surrounded in that endeavor by big-time lesbians? Which show skimped on paying an orchestra, but still, poetically enough, lost half a million bucks? Which lanky and quirky middle-aged actor works out in jeans, a leather jacket, and dress shoes, as if his body is too precious for strangers to see? Which gay mogul recently met a young guy at a soiree and offered "any amount you want" to go home with him, as long as the guy wasn't hairy? (He specifically wanted dirty, sweaty sex with a smooth Jewish twink. The guy said, "Oy.")

Which troubled ex-club owner now sadly lives in his shuttered club (sans plumbing), which he can't seem to sell to anyone who can make a go of it? Which moderately plus-size movie star has led the straight family life for years, but I hear he's actually a big, raving homosexual? Which major TV star used to be a really nice young man, but once he noticed that people regularly took advantage of him, he became the hardened, drug-addled psycho we know and love today? Which multi-Oscar nominated actress befriended that blonde and was all up in her face with pseudo-kindness (this was years ago), not letting on that she was already fucking the blonde's man?

Which thirtyish rising star is such a weirdly overanalytical geek that she puts dozens of notes on every script page, scribbling comments and questions about seemingly simple motivations, words, and actions, even for crap movies? What famous person's son who married that other famous person's relation is supposedly a gay? Which white rapper takes scary control of photo shoots these days, because the poor thing is still burned by that ages-ago photo that made him look "too gay"?

Which unwittingly camp Z-list director has made up an agent for himself, which business people figured out when the agent's e-mails turned out to be in the very same broken English as the director's? Which actor who seems like a gay-positive hetero slept with at least one young gentleman, according to the (very happy) guy? Which famous person who's directing has typically been acting like a micromanaging nightmare, not allowing some of the creative folks hired on the project to think outside her box?

How is gay panic still alive in Hollywood? (Free answer: In Black Swan, Natalie Portman has that feverish nightmare that her subconscious is being unlocked by a lesbo, and in Somewhere, Stephen Dorff is appalled when a male masseuse takes off all his clothes because he insists on being as physically free as his clients. Oh, yeah, right, happens all the time.)

Which twink-turned-director once helped procure a hustler for the boy-band mogul who's currently rotting in prison? Which competition-show judge got an escort from the same agency five years ago and he's obviously pleased with the goods since they're still together? How could you have learned about those last two items? (Free answer: By reading dailymusto.com. You would have also found out about the delay in completing Faye Dunaway's Master Class movie and the lack of cross-dressing in Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar Hoover flick. No, Leonardo won't be in polka dots.) You're welcome.

Items With Names! Items With Names!
Or at least titles. Last week, a theater insider who I won't name sent out a mass e-mail offering to rebate $10 each to people who would sign a notarized affidavit saying they paid top dollar for Spider-Man without realizing it was a preview. This reflects Spidey's latest problem: a groundswell of complaint against the show for charging top prices for what some might not know is a work in progress. A few critics I know should join the mob, saying, "When we snuck in and reviewed it two and a half weeks into the run, we didn't realize it was a preview!"

At a TimesTalk, we got a sneak peak at Robert Redford's historical film The Conspirator when they showed scenes from it in between Redford discussing his career with Janet Maslin. At one point, Maslin asked how Redford casts films these days, considering how many actors have facial parts that don't move. Redford was gentlemanly about it, declining to comment and smilingly saying, "I've got colleagues . . ."

With a beaming face, Lorna Luft performed "Songs My Mother Taught Me" at Feinsteins, and if you don't know who her mother was, you probably weren't the target audience. Brassy belter Lorna got to praise mama, duet with mama (via clips), and basically be mama, getting multiple standing ovations for this filial feat. As she once told a gay crowd, "You've heard of 'friends of Dorothy.' Well, my mother was Dorothy!" And have I got gossip about her!

musto@villagevoice.com


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