City Will Be Super Prepared For Tomorrow's Wussy Snowfall

Mayor Bloomberg, still facing the wrath of New Yorkers disgruntled with last week's snow clean-up, held a press conference today, reassuring panicked citizens that the city will be able to handle tomorrow's snowstorm.

That's supposed to be reassuring, or something, but since there are only five inches of snow in the forecast, it would be infinitely more embarrassing if we couldn't handle that, crappy municipal response or otherwise. But Bloomy says we're prepared. How? Read on.
  • Bloomberg will deploy "SCOUT" teams (it's an acronym for "Street Condition Observation Unit"), which will monitor the city's storm response and, equipped with video cameras, relay live streams of the city as it plummets into a snow-induced panic to City Hall.

  • The city will equip 50 sanitation trucks in Brooklyn with GPS devices. Bloomberg said they used to be expensive, but now they aren't. Maybe one day, they'll let you track local snow plows' GPS signals at home so you can watch them rove around your neighborhood and clean up every street but, seemingly, your own.

  • Bloomberg, who was suspected of vacationing in Bermuda during last week's snowstorm (Vacation? On Christmas? The nerve!), was snippy and defensive when reporters asked him why he still won't explain his whereabouts. "There is no reason. I have a right to a private life," the mayor snapped.

  • The mayor also said there's been 70 other storms like the one in tomorrow's forecast, and that the city plans "to do a great job, the kind of job the public has come to expect us to do." Which isn't really saying much, considering how far those expectations fell last week.

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