Cruising for Girls

I will never forget the first blowjob I ever gave: It was in the woods during the summer, and I was being mercilessly bitten by mosquitoes as I attempted to fit a boy's cock in my mouth. It was less than ideal, but somehow still exciting because we could have been caught at any moment. Since then, some of the best sex I've ever had has been in public places. I've trolled around in various locales, from the awkward to the ironic, including cars, restrooms, movie theaters, hotel pools, beaches, parking garages, and crowded bars and clubs—I even did it once in bustling Grand Central Station. Public sex is cut-to-the-chase copulation: It can be fevered and frenetic, naughty and exhibitionistic, slightly risky or downright dangerous. For some people, sex with a complete stranger can be equally hot and forbidden. No small talk, no romance, no baggage, no emotions—just raw, unadulterated pleasure.

I've always believed that gay men have the market cornered on getting some anonymously and out in the open, and the Web site I've recently been turned on to,, confirms it. In New York City alone, there are more than 85 gay cruising areas listed, including bathrooms in hotels, department stores, restaurants, bookstores, and airports, as well as gyms, video arcades, parks, theaters, and even subways: "The last car of the 2 train is infamous! Heading uptown through the Bronx toward 241st. After rush hour. Or midday when kids are in school and adults are at work. Just rub your dick and look for others doing the same. Make eye contact and go from there." My first impression of Squirt was that fags are so organized! You can go to any major city almost anywhere in the world and know exactly where to go to cruise other men; with a little effort, you can probably have anonymous, semipublic sex while you are there. Not to mention all the gay bathhouses and sex clubs.

The closest spurting equivalent for queer women I found on the Web is a lesbian personals site called, where there is actually an "intimate encounters" section for women who are just looking for sex. A sample of the offerings: "Little Squirter says: Lipstick will spread for you! Let's chat about my talent." It's not exactly the infamous tone of the gay personals—"eat my 10 inches of man meat"—but it's a start. Beyond the virtual world, there are few, if any, cruising spots for dykes. Why not? Women don't have public sex with women very often, women cruise other women even less often, and women rarely have anonymous sex with each other. No, I don't really have the data on this phenomenon. (Somehow, no one has funded a grant to study the public sex practices of lesbians—shocking.)

A friend recently came to Throb and wanted a face train, where women sat on her face, one after another, and she serviced them.

We have many of the same opportunities as the boys: rest stop areas, gym locker rooms, AA and Al-Anon meetings. We even have a few of our own: Prospect Park's Nethermead during dog off-leash hours, the bathrooms during WNBA games and Indigo Girls concerts, post-Dyke March gatherings, and the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. So why aren't we doing it like the boys? First of all, guys have a much easier time having sex standing up; public encounters often involve mutual masturbation where they whip it out, jerk it off, and go. Chicks can't whip out their clits in quite the same way, and we often prefer to lie back and spread our legs, which is not easy to do in, say, a bathroom stall. Plus, when you're in the great outdoors, there's rarely a reliable electrical outlet for the Hitachi Magic Wand when you really need one. There are also safety issues with a woman alone walking down by the pier after midnight. Most dolls won't take the chance just for a quickie muff dive.

Like it or not, there are some marked differences between girls and boys when it comes to scoring. I hate to essentialize sex based on gender, and I don't necessarily want to debate nature versus nurture, but many women seem to be wired differently from men when it comes to sex, and for the most part, we are socialized to get to know our partners. We are a lot pickier than guys. For many women, it's not so much about the fix of sex and the come. We like to cultivate the emotional part of a physical relationship; our feelings contextualize, enhance, and fuel our sexual desires. On top of all that, dykes have an uncanny desire for a lot of information from their sex partners. And I mean name, address, occupation, eating habits, pets' names, and names of last three lovers. We're looking for a Scorpio with Cancer rising, we're looking for Prince Charming, we're looking for the mother of our children. Seldom are we looking for a good hot fuck (or if we are, we are hard-pressed to admit it to anyone, including ourselves). But some of us wouldn't mind if, every once in a while, we ran into a randy woman in a bathroom ready to hike up her skirt for a good time.

Cruising, anonymous sex, and public sex are certainly part of the fantasy lives of my sapphic sisters; I've read countless erotic tales of seeing a stranger on the subway and following her home or meeting a sexy tourist at the local bar and showing her the sights in your bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I have seen women have sex on the spot without knowing a thing about each other. Throb, the monthly sex party for women that my girlfriend produces, creates a sex-club environment, the kind gay men take for granted. What could be safer and more conducive to raunchy girl-girl public action than a dark back room at a sex club and safer-sex supplies in plenitude? It warms my heart and pussy when girls who don't know each other get down at Throb. But more than once, after they've done the deed, one asks for the other's name or e-mail address. Dykes can't resist bonding; they just can't walk away. A friend of mine recently came to Throb on her birthday and wanted a face train, where women sat on her face, one after another, and she serviced them. She told me later, "I don't know why, but a lot of them wanted foreplay. What part of 'face train' didn't they get?"

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