Cybersex Personas: A How-To Guide

The other day in the AOL "Big Flirt" chat rooms (read: "Big Euphemism for Chat-based Cybering"), I was amazed by how many times I got asked, "What do you look like?" Or it was something even more inane: "Are you hot?" "Are you slim?" "Do you have big nipples?" Especially among female cyber-ers, I'm sure I'm not alone in rolling my eyes when that question appears on my screen.

In principal, there's nothing wrong it. "What do you look like?" is the first cousin of another sexy cliché, "What are you wearing?" But cybersex is supposed to be about fantasy, not real life. Having to define yourself with a waist measurement and a bra size (demanded all the time) breaks down barriers of real-life self-esteem, never mind reality. Plus, how are you even supposed answer a question like, "Are you hot?" By writing, "Yes, I am so hot, thank you for asking"?

Honestly, I've been spoiled by virtual worlds. In environments like Second Life, the chances are you'll never be asked what you look like. That's partly because Second Life comes with a built-in answer to the inevitable question: your avatar, a visual representation of "you." That's also partly because virtual-world goers have a sense of etiquette about breaking the real-life/in-world barrier: for all intents and purposes, you are your SL avatar. So anyone wondering what you look like can check out the waves of your virtual blond hair, or the curve of your long, pixelated legs.


Heroine Sheik
Bonnie Ruberg's blog about sex, tech, gender, and videogames


In a chat room, you could theoretically accomplish the same thing by posting a picture of yourself in your profile. In fact, it's not uncommon (actually, it's pretty much standard) for the person you're chatting with to get even more personal and ask for webcam footage or a telephone call. But what if you're not looking to put your real face out on the internet? What if all you want is good, old-fashioned, anonymous text-based cybersex? How do you get past the question, "What do you look like?" One possible answer: keep your own body out the picture. Don't even worry about admitting to your 32A chest or your 36-inch waist. Come up with a new "you," a sexy persona you can step into when you have cybersex. Here're three easy steps to get you started:

1. Pick a persona

Your new persona can be anything you want, so feel free to customize him/her physically, emotionally, biographically, etc. For example, the persona I'm using at the moment is named Velvet. She's slender, with long, black hair and pale skin. When asked, she's wearing a small black dress with no panties—perfect for wandering hands.

2. Write it down

Okay, maybe not literally, but at least remember the details. The person you're chatting with may not notice if you mess things up (you suddenly have red hair instead of black, let's say), but you will. Knowing the persona you're playing with will make the fantasy more real.

3. Get in the mood

While you cyber, feel free to describe your persona (e.g. "I'm wrapping my long, smooth legs around your hips"). Again, in a public chat room, it's likely the person you're cybering with will skip over those details and head straight for your "hot, wet pussy." But at least you'll be in the spirit.


But wait, isn't the whole "persona" thing just a fancy way of lying? Well, only kind of. The important thing to remember is that cybersex isn't real-life sex, so there's no reason you have to be your real-life self. The person on the other end of the screen isn't really getting off on you, he/she is getting off the idea of you. Why not make that idea more interesting? Besides, to be honest, sometimes an online persona can be a whole lot sexier than a real-life self. Trust me, I once had a long-standing thing with a hot young surfer who turned out to be much different in real life. Tell you all about him next week.

Last week: Chat-Based Cybersex

Click Me runs weekly. Contact Bonnie Ruberg at bonnie[at]heroine-sheik[dot]com.

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