Date Clothes

Age: 11
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
First Date: Double date to movies with Anthony C., Bridget G., and Robbie R.
Outfit: Dark blue cords.
White turtleneck. Blue plaid flannel shirt. Tan suede hiking boots.
Call the Look: Preadolescent and Clueless
Outcome: Bridget G. stole Anthony C. away from me. They "frenched." I was outclassed.

Age: 13
Location: Landing, New Jersey
First Date: Eighth-grade graduation dance, with Jeff S.
Outfit: Homemade, pastel-flowered handkerchief-hem dress with pink satin straps and sash. Burgundy Candie's slides.
Call the Look: Nerdy Lolita 'Hobag
Outcome: Lost interest in Jeff due to boy "panty line" visible through his white trousers. Later became traumatized by photos of me in aforementioned dress.

Age: 15
Location: Mountain Lakes, New Jersey
First Date: Party with preppy guy, what's-his-name
Outfit: Ankle-zip capri jeans, black lace blouse over black leotard. Black lace anklets. Black flats. Rhinestone earrings and bracelets. Fingerless gloves.
Call the Look: Shopping Mall Madonna
Outcome: Can't remember, so it must have been really dull.

Age: 17
Location: Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
First Date: "Mom's Away" party with Amy D., Amy N., and Daryl M.
Outfit: Black fishtail skirt. David Bowie T-shirt. Black honeycomb tights. Black granny boots. Ankh pendant. Silver rings on each finger. Black beret.
Call the Look: Proto-Goth
Outcome: Received first girl kiss, during game of Spin the Bottle

Age: 19
Location: New York City
First Date: Taxicab ride to JFK with all-time punk rock idol
Outfit: Pink flowered Betsey Johnson dress with lace-up bodice. Burgundy fishnet tights. Black pointy-toed boots. Black leather jacket.
Call the Look: Maximum Rock'n'Wench
Outcome: Became incoherent, dumbstruck idiot in presence of punk rock idol. Took bus, then subway, back to East VillAge alone. Vowed to get life.

Age: 21
Location: San Francisco
First Date: Dinner with a butch delicacy who stuck her number in my thong at a girls-only strip show.
Outfit: White cotton petticoat. White ruffled blouse. White sheer stockings. Knee-high black patent leather lace-up spike-heeled boots. Cropped black leather jacket with ACT UP-era buttons on lapel.
Call the Look: Hi-Femme Stylin'
Outcome: Major bonding. One month later, she bought me a gold ring to wear through my upper lip.

Age: 23
Location: San Francisco
First Date: Drinks at Top of the Mark with gazillionaire techno-geek.
Outfit: Black stretch minidress. Black knit jacket covered in fake gems. Black tights. Black leather pumps.
Call the Look: Joyce Leslie Fire Sale
Outcome: Got flown to Paris on second date. Bought much better clothes there.

Age: 25
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
First Date: Walking tour of Patpong with Thai bar boy.
Outfit: Black Evening gown with gold beading. Black suede pumps.
Call the Look: Yankee Fab
Outcome: Two months later, received air mail letter from bar boy begging money for his mother who "needs an operation." Silly rabbit! Tricks are for kids!

Age: 27
Location: New York City
First Date: Reunion drinks with unrequited high school obsession turned grouchy junkie-boy.
Outfit: Black long-sleeved, calf-length stretch dress. Black opaque tights. Black suede chunky-heeled platforms with double ankle straps.
Call the Look: Grudge Couture
Outcome: Realized someone, not me, needs Narcotics Anonymous really bad.

Age: 29
Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
First Date: Prime rib dinner with hunk of cowboy man meat
Outfit: Jeans. Black turtleneck. Black engineer boots. Shiny black parka.
Call the Look: Content Over Form
Outcome: EngAgement ring.

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