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Does Dan Savage Think You Should Use Tabasco Sauce for Blowjobs?

This week in Savage Love, which you can (and should!) read here, Dan answers questions about blowjobs, gay bondage, and clarifies that the woman who wrote him last week seeking advice on devotees had actually faked her disability.

But let's talk about what Dan had to say about blowjobs, because who doesn't like talking about blowjobs -- especially when Tabasco sauce is somehow involved?

A woman, who calls herself "Thought I Was Doing It Well," writes to Savage "desperately in need" of help.

As it turns out, she's been married eight years and her husband doesn't much like the blowjobs she gives, saying they are "'good but not great' and now getting 'boring.'"

Also, he's

"unable to tell me anything specific that he wants me to do, just that I should do something different and 'be creative.' I've done pretty much everything I can think of over the years, fingers and hands included, so I have no idea where to go from here! My husband is my first partner, so I have no past experience to draw from, and porn hardly seems the proper inspiration: visually exciting (for a guy) but no visible technique other than some rather extreme deep-throating, which I am incapable of, as I have an annoyingly sensitive gag reflex. Is there anything nonstandard but fun that you (or your fans) could suggest? I'm not exactly vanilla, so I'm willing to try pretty much anything at this point."

In his answer, Dan does not hold back -- he (rightfully) takes aim at the husband, who has said an awful thing in an awful way: I'm sexually dissatisfied by you, wife, but I won't tell you how to fix the problem.

"Seeing as I think saying, 'You're doing it wrong, do it better, but don't ask me how I want it done,' is an asshole move, TIWDIW, I'm tempted to give asshole advice. Something along the lines of 'take a swig of Tabasco sauce immediately before popping his dick in your mouth.'"

Dan makes a good point -- though we would have probably suggested sriracha, not Tabasco.

Anyway, the husband here has offered nothing but "destructive criticism, the kind of feedback that can leave a sex partner feeling inadequate and self-conscious. To be constructively critical, your husband needs to come through with some suggestions and direction -- something more helpful than 'surprise me.' (I bet he'd find that mouthful of Tabasco sauce surprising.)"

And: "Putting all the responsibility for busting out new tricks on the shoulders of the person whose blowjob/assfucking/bondage skills have been criticized rarely results in the criticized person busting out new and mind-blowing blowjob/assfucking/bondage moves. A destructively criticized sex partner is apt to shut down."

Sauce talk aside, he does offer some good suggestions -- and note that time and place are key.

"Give him the same old head in a new and exciting place (outside?) or in a new and exciting circumstance (his hands tied behind him?) and see if that doesn't make your blowjobs exciting again," he says.

Almost as insightfully, he tells well to think of herself, too: "How are your husband's cunnilingus skills these days? If they're not all they could be, now's the time to tell him."

Follow Victoria Bekiempis @vicbekiempis.


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