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Harlan Ellison's Dramatic Reading of the Seussified "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script"

Ellison and Olson: Not in a reading mood.
Ellison and Olson: Not in a reading mood.

Several of our commenters have struck on the Dr. Seuss-like cadence of Josh Olson's popular manifesto, "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script."

One of the first to point it out was Steve Jarrett, a writer and teacher in Winston-Salem who sent Olson the following parody. Olson asked his friend, legendary writer Harlan Ellison, to give it life.

I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script By Steve Jarrett Inspired by an essay by Josh Olson With apologies to Theodore Geisel...

I will not read your fucking script I will not read it in a car I will not read it in a bar I will not have it in my house I will not click it with my mouse I will not read it here or there I will not read it anywhere I'd rather be tied up and whipped Than have to read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script I will not read its exposition I will not read its scene transitions I will not read its dialogue I will not read its epilogue I'll leave its pages quite unflipped I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script I won't discuss its plot reversals I won't attend its cast rehearsals I won't discuss its complication I won't discuss its adumbrations I won't discuss its camera angles Its syntax I won't disentangle I won't critique its denouement Nor its hero's tragic flaw My lips remain securely zipped I will not read your fucking script

I will not read your fucking script I will not read it as a lark I will not read it in the dark I will not read it on a drunk I will not read it in a funk I will not read it on a dare I will not read it for a scare Until they lay me in my crypt I will not read your fucking script


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