'I Love You' Is the New 'I'm Stealing Your iPhone'
Do not be caught off guard!
This is a crime story! There's apparently a new breed of criminal, a foul and despicable creature, who employs a hug and the words "I love you" to distract his victims, thereby allowing an accomplice to swiftly steal their most valuable possessions! This person and his friend have been dubbed the "I Love You" Bandits, and they recently stole an iPhone from a woman in Brooklyn with this very technique. They are vile indeed. They may be roaming the streets of your neighborhood. And they do not love you!
Via the Fort Greene-Clinton Hill Patch:
On Sept. 20, two thieves stole an iPhone worth $500 dollars from a woman on Greene Ave. between Clinton and Vanderbilt at around 4 p.m. One of the suspects approached the woman from behind, bearhugged her, and told her "I love you," while the other suspect removed the victim's cell phone from her pants pocket.
This is a public service announcement. Do not fall for this rude trick, ladies. If anyone hugs you and tells you "I love you," punch him in the face, stat! Keep a firm grip on your iPhone, and your diamonds. And I don't want to hear any of this "but he told me he loved me" moping-around nonsense. Take up kickboxing instead.
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